Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say...wait till she reads this.

Phil

You came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there that you bumped off.

Jay [to Claire]

The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.

Claire [to Jay]

First get a mirror, then you're gonna look into it and you're gonna see a crazy woman. She needs your help.

Alex [to Claire]

There's this really cute boy at school and he kind of likes my feet.

Haley

Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top is grease the pole behind you.

Jay

Cam: It's kind of like a first date.
Mitchell: Actually it's the opposite of the first date. You don't want to have sex, but you do want a baby.

Claire is like the son my dad always wanted. He just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard, I did once but he did not attend.

Mitchell

That's when you know your family loves you, when they feel free to scream at you.

Gloria

I understood " crazy old witch" "go kill yourself" then "I love you."

Manny

This is a lot of hocus pocus, I can't believe I bought a coffee cake over this!!!

Jay

I'm so glad I spoke to Alex because she agreed with every single thing that I was saying...which made me realize that I was acting like a 14-year-old girl.

Mitchell
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 233 in total

Modern Family Season 3 Quotes

Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!

Gloria [screaming]

Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.