Cam: What are we going to do?
Luke: I could start a fire.
Cam: No! But keep that in your back pocket.

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.


Happy Valenbirthuhhhversary!


Caterer: Hi there. Is your father home?
Luke: I think so. Why?

Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.


Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.


Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cam: They don't, they're comically large.

It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so many levels.


Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.


Manny: Baby Bear's a girl? We have to do it over! I would have played it totally different.
Jay: You nailed it.

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.


Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.