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Modern-family

Cam: What are we going to do?
Luke: I could start a fire.
Cam: No! But keep that in your back pocket.

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

Happy Valenbirthuhhhversary!

Phil

Caterer: Hi there. Is your father home?
Luke: I think so. Why?

Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Mitchell

Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

Claire

Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cam: They don't, they're comically large.

It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so many levels.

Cam

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.

Phil

Manny: Baby Bear's a girl? We have to do it over! I would have played it totally different.
Jay: You nailed it.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 279 in total

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire
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