Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

We're running twenty minutes long so we're cutting the Bollywood number.


Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

Gloria: Where I come from, brothers respect each other.
Jay: That's why Colombia is such a peaceful country.

Get your prostate checked by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.


I think the carpet matches the drapes, I haven't checked in a while.


Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.


Tell Bob Fussy he's overdoing it and you want to go back to the old stuff.


Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

I'm gonna walk like a man... right to that bar. That would be hilarious if you were familiar with Frankie Valli.

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