Haley: If you do this you'll be a social piranha.
Alex: Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.

Do you think he had his butt done too? It looks fantastic.

Phil

Jay: This is embarrassing...
Gloria: For the both of us.

Jay: I had botox.
Gloria: Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?

Manny: Hey luke, do you realize in two years we'll both be graduating?
Luke: Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Manny: Well, I'll be graduating.

You know what's really sad? The end of Titantic.

Phil

He'll be here all week folks. Literally, because you're not coming home with me.

Cameron

Mitchell: This morning, Cam, fully dressed....
Jay: Thank god it's one of those stories.

Alex: Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike to stand up for what he believed in.
Haley: That's because no one would eat with him in the cafeteria.

Phil: Hey momma bear, you okay?
Claire: Not with momma bear I'm not.

"My wife won't let me go to Vegas." Trust me that is not a phone call you want to make to a group of ex-college male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.

Phil

I remember the speech that won me treasurer of my high school spanish club. "Mi nombre es filipe."

Phil

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Manny: Hump day, am I right, Jay?
Jay: Your day ends at 2:30.

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.