She's had the romantic, she's had the intellectual, how about all that in one fine little brown package.


Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.


I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.


Claire: I'll be upstairs, Clive, don't take too long.
Phil: I never do.

It's like your shaking hands, but you're not using your hands. At all.

Phil [on sex]

They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.


We are beyond blotting and rubbing, we've moved on to sweating and crying.


Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.

I know what sex is, it's when a man and a woman take off their underwear and get into bed.


It sended! Please come back!


Whatever they were doing, Dad was winning.

Luke [on seeing his parents having sex]

If this were the '60s, we would be 'confirmed bachelors,' and Lily would be a Yorkie.


Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.