She's had the romantic, she's had the intellectual, how about all that in one fine little brown package.


Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.


I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.


Claire: I'll be upstairs, Clive, don't take too long.
Phil: I never do.

It's like your shaking hands, but you're not using your hands. At all.

Phil [on sex]

They called a family meeting when they switched to one percent milk.


We are beyond blotting and rubbing, we've moved on to sweating and crying.


Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.

I know what sex is, it's when a man and a woman take off their underwear and get into bed.


It sended! Please come back!


Whatever they were doing, Dad was winning.

Luke [on seeing his parents having sex]

If this were the '60s, we would be 'confirmed bachelors,' and Lily would be a Yorkie.


Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.


Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.