Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Claire: Little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Phil: Of course they can, there's tons of examples: Up, Gran Torino, True Grit..."
Claire: Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've gotta go talk to that guy."

Mitchell: Who signed an agreement for a sixteen year health club membership?
Cameron: You have to spend money to save money.

I had to undress a mannequin while a creepy guy filmed it, so we have that to look forward to on the Internet.

Claire

Manny: I made a reference to The Wiggles and it went right over her head.
Jay: I don't know what that means.
Manny: It's an expression. It means she didn't get it.

I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.

Claire

Whoa, whoa, maybe it's all the creams, that just made sense, girlfriends.

Phil

Gloria: Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find us.
Jay: These aren't like our drawers at home. People can find stuff here.

There's enough not to like about death without adding dirt and worms.

Jay

Ta-da is for when you do a flip or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half, not when you show someone where you want to shove their dead body.

Gloria
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