Haley: How do you still not know you're a babe?
Alex: Well, you did call me a frumpy nerd for twenty years.

Yep, gonna lose a toenail. There goes sandal season!

Phil

Don't be silly, Janet. If I were interested in more youthful things, would I be here with you?

Luke

Manny: Perhaps this candy bar represents your lost innocence?
Jay: It represents delicious chocolate. Now, you're sure you gave it to a Spider-Man?

Hey, I came to see a movie I'd already seen and know where all the jump scares are. Can you tell me where the big ones are in this one?

Phil

Claire: Oh, how cute. You tried to scare me for Halloween
Phil: How in the world did that not frighten you? Some of this is my actual blood! I knicked myself putting it on.
Claire: Sweetie, you don't know the first thing about scaring people. It's all about plausibility. And you were awfully casual for a guy that just got an ax in the chest. You know, if you really wanted to scare me, you should have waited until I opened the closet and found you hanging by a necktie.
Phil: Excuse me! I killed myself?!
Claire: Yeah, totally plausible. I mean, you've been so happy all these years, the other shoe is bound to drop, right?

Cam: Mitchell? Judge... Judy!
Mitchell: Your talent. It's like you were touched by a Gayngel.

Oh my God! Can you adopt a second child to take some of this off me?

Lily

Gloria: Manny! How many times have I told you not to call me mom when you're dressed like an old man!
Manny: Including now? Once.

Modern Family Season 11 Quotes

Life is full of changes. Some big, some small. I learned a long time ago you can fight it or try to make the best of it. And that's all a lot easier if you've got people who love you to help you face whatever life throws at you.

Jay

Cam: Mitchell? Judge... Judy!
Mitchell: Your talent. It's like you were touched by a Gayngel.