I wanna kiss you, but I have surgery breath.

Manny

Mitchell: Oh my gosh, you cut yourself.
Lily: Don't get blood in my eggs.

Mitchell: Oh my god. That burger was so good, I feel like I just cheated on you.
Cam: Yeah, I heard the moaning.

I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

Alex

Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

Maybe next year, Alex.

Alex

Jay: Okay, we can solve both our problems. We put this princess castle together in the next thirty minutes. Let's go!
Phil: How does this solve my problem?
Jay: Just go!

  • Permalink: Just go!
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Something was bugging him, he needed to talk. It's like I don't want to be happy.

Jay

Cam: The writing's on the wall.
Lily: But mostly on the curtains.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell