Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

I thought it was a charity event for the need, it turns out it was a charity event FOR the needy!


Alex: Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me?
Haley: Hey mom found somebody!

5 oclock Christmas Eve and I have to find a dozen perfect presents for the world’s snarkiest, cattiest men. My dear, dear friends.


Dad I was with you on the tight rope, I was your wingman at the wing eating competition, but I’m not feeling this one. You’re missing Christmas Eve.


Just when I’m so close to the Canadian border I can smell the bacon and reasonably priced medications.


Jay: Trees are like women, the best ones make you work just a little bit harder.
Manny: She’s just not that into you.

You know what they say, houseguests start to stink after 3 days like dead bodies.


When I wake up in my own room tomorrow I’ll be giving thanks for my independence and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?


This body doesn’t just happen ladies.

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