When you see my movies later, you're going to realize this is a special moment.

Ray Liotta [while posing for a selfie]

Ray Liotta: Goodfellas! Something Wild. Field of Dreams?
Luke: Never seen it.
Alex: We're really not that old.
Mitchell: Ray Liotta is a really fine actor, and we have taken up enough of his time...
Ray Liotta: Quit saying my full name like you have to tell them who I am.
Mitchell: Well...

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Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.

Alex: Focus people, what does Uncle Mitchell like?
Haley: I don't know, gay things, right? What's a gay think you can think of?
Luke: Ha. He's married to it.

It's getting a little warm in here. Do you mind if we crack a window? Unless I've already done that with my head...

Mitchell [while blindfolded in the backseat of a speeding car]

Claire: You can't just roll over on someone because it makes you uncomfortable!
Phil: Whatever you want.

Phil: Trust me I'm cool as a cucumber. Something about the coat just knows what my body needs.
Claire: You're sweating like a heroin addict.

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

I want a White Christmas. You know, like white people have.

Gloria

Joe: I can't wait to make a snow-person!
Jay: Person? We gotta get him out of that hippie school.
Manny: I don't know Jay, last report card he got straight dolphins.

Gloria: Jay, don't forget Joe's new doll.
Jay: Cam and Mitchell, always pushing their agenda.

Claire: Ruben again? He wore a Batman cape to the first day of high school.
Alex: You're really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me