If it were easy, everyone would be hot.

Haley

I know you think you discovered the new you, but you're controlling even when you're trying to not be controlling.

Mitchell [to Claire]

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

"To our best friend." That's a little sarcastic. It's her birthday, eh.

Mitchell

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Oh my God, stop. We're gancient!

Mitchell

Cam: Umm well I can raise the roof and do the cabbage patch.
Mitchell: And I can do the single lady hand thing.
Cam: Yeah but put your neck into it or you just look like the Queen waving.

Luke [to Lily]: Okay a boy and a girl meet a frat party and they both think each other is totally hot. So they pound their beers and head upstairs-
Manny: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.

Yes I'm a huge dork for celebrating my 21st with my family, but my mom was crazy excited to go to a bar with me, or just go to a bar.

Haley

Mitchell: There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cam: Or guncle.

Claire: Don't you need to check IDs?
Bouncer: No sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.

Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me