Claire: Ruben again? He wore a Batman cape to the first day of high school.
Alex: You're really judging me right now when you look like a hooker at Comic-Con?

Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

Claire: You think maybe you're being a little hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents Claire, it's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.

We should be careful, this market might be a trick to get a whole bunch of white people together in one spot.


Phil: Well good morning Leonard.
Luke: Leonard?
Phil: I know it's not the well-behaved son Luke who'd never take our car out without a license and get arrested.

Jay: Why do I look so pale and sweaty?
Mitchell: Well, you're old and Irish.

Claire: You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now right?
Mitchell: My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash. I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.

Claire: Phil, duck feed!
Phil: Hey, that's almost my name.

We have been renting the upstairs unit to some frat boys from Cam's old college. They're here for some big game and to try to get on the Price is Right. Unfortunately for me it's brought out Cam's bromosexual side.


Phil: It's time, somebody warm some towels!
Claire: Every time I crack an egg, really?

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.