Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.

Phil

I get that Thanksgiving is an big day for families that don't see each other, but we're together nonstop.

Jay

Cam: I just can't believe I slipped into one of Gloria's dresses.
MItchell: Relax it's a maternity poncho.

Do you think we could just go downstairs and throw money at this and it would go away? I'm asking you, do you think that would work?

Jay

Cam: Trust me, I have another plan.
Mitchell: Really? Because right now our daughter is walking around like a Vietnamese Annie Hall.

Right now you’re her pal and I’m just a pitchfork wielding she-devil.

Mitchell [to Cam]

We’re having a little staycation but with a turkey instead of a steak!

Gloria

I like staying with you but it's basically camping.

Manny [to Haley]

I listened to her meringue instructions in the car last week. There was so much whipping and beating I had to pull over.

Phil

News Reporter: How does your spouse feel about you coaching?
Cam: Oh this one, he's my rock, he's my Connie Britton.
Mitchell: Your Connie Britton?
Cam: Mrs. Coach on Friday Night Lights.

Haley: Did anyone see my leopard print skirt?
Phil: I saw a leopard headband on the stairs.
Haley: That's it.

Phil: Sometimes a boy might be a good distraction. I remember a certain young lady who was pretty addicted to Miss Pacman until a dashing young gent caught her eye.
Claire: Only because you were wearing a feather earring.
Phil: It wasn't a feather, it was a dreamcatcher. And it worked.