Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

Maybe next year, Alex.


Jay: Okay, we can solve both our problems. We put this princess castle together in the next thirty minutes. Let's go!
Phil: How does this solve my problem?
Jay: Just go!

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Something was bugging him, he needed to talk. It's like I don't want to be happy.


Cam: The writing's on the wall.
Lily: But mostly on the curtains.

Cam: He is so adorable.
Mitch: I know, isn't he? Remember when Lily was like this?
Lily: What do you say when I'm not here?

I wanted two rough and tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.


Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

Nobody likes dancing more than the gays. Pretend you're on a float!


When it comes to wine, this woman doesn't see color. She'll drink anything you put in front of her.


Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.