Modern Family Quotes
Luke [to Lily]: Okay a boy and a girl meet a frat party and they both think each other is totally hot. So they pound their beers and head upstairs-
Manny: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.
- Permalink: Luke! Stop. She's not hearing this from you.
Yes I'm a huge dork for celebrating my 21st with my family, but my mom was crazy excited to go to a bar with me, or just go to a bar.Haley
Mitchell: There is a lot of pressure when one is a gay uncle.
Cam: Or guncle.
- Permalink: Or guncle.
Claire: Don't you need to check IDs?
Bouncer: No sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.
- Permalink: No sorry, we don't offer a senior discount.
Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.
- Permalink: It's friday night and you're doing homework.
Leaving Phil with a car salesman is like covering a baby goat in barbecue sauce and dropping it in the middle of the Serengeti.Jay
Mitchell: She's gonna wake up.
Cam: Oh please, she's got enough pills in her, she's gonna rattle like a maraca.
Sweetheart you've had 2 boyfriends in 30 seconds, that's practically Haley's record!Claire [to Alex]
Cam: Let's get this woman into bed and in the morning out of the house as fast as we can. Honestly, I don't know how straight guys do it.
Mitchell: Probably without those hand gestures.
- Permalink: Probably without those hand gestures.
Jay: Where were you when I was growing up? I'd of had your dice and cigarettes before you got to homeroom.
Manny: Where'd you go to school? "Guys and Dolls?"
- Permalink: Where'd you go to school? "Guys and Dolls?"
We're showing Lily that we trust her enough to have one nice thing.Mitchell
- Permalink: We're showing Lily that we trust her enough to have one nice thing.
Claire: Who's Victor? We never heard about him.
Haley: Oh because I knew you'd never let me go out with an ex con.
- Permalink: Oh because I knew you'd never let me go out with an ex con.
By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.Jay
- Permalink: By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.
Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said
- Permalink: My mom started drinking these c**ktails called horny Colombians ...