Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Earl: I banged your ex wife!
Jay: If you banged Dede, I DO owe you an apology!

That's right, my boy's datin' her. He's datin' her real good.

Jay

Oh relax, I'm sure you guys will find a couple that wants to get with you.

Haley

Not since I fell off the roof while they were delivering our trampoline have things come together so beautifully.

Phil

How surprised should we be? I mean he's basically a hyperactive toddler who just wants to play all the time.

Alex

I wanna hear your point but right now this magic juice is gonna help mama turn that bathtub into a swim up bar.

Claire

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

Well that's attractive. You look like a puppy with a slipper.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Gloria: Manny's first girlfriend is a senior with a Mustang.
Jay: I'd have put my money on a sophomore with a mustache.

Claire: Haley I need the wifi corner get down.
Haley: Ugh! I need Instagram to know there's still beauty in the world!

With great hotness comes great responsibility.

Haley

Said it since day one. The only thing coordinated about this kid is his outfits.

Jay [about Manny]
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 1260 in total

Modern Family Quotes

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

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