Gather round like you're hugging me, but don't touch me!

Phil

She can't grow up with one huggy, happy cuddly dad and one frowny, lesson-teachy dad because... guess which one she's gonna ask to walk her down the aisle

Mitchell

I'm like a mother bear. When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her.

Cameron

This stuff's really hitting me. My insides feel like velvet.

Phil

If I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie.

Phil

When you walked through a spider web... when we were playing with a Ouija board and the wind blew a door shut...

Luke

I could be sitting grill-side watching a guy build an onion volcano. Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen.

Jay

Mitchell: Still keeping traditions alive, huh?
Jay: Someone has to. I got two Colombians as home trying to turn Christmas into Cinco de Mayo.
Mitchell: You know that's Mexican right?
Jay: Ahh. Burrito, burr-righto.

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

If I was home right now, I'd be mixing up a bathtub full of eggnog and trying to squeeze a greased hog into a Santa hat. You don't think I don't miss that?

Cameron

We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.

Phil

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley