Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Jay: I’m waiting for a phone call from my doctor’s office. Please rate your prostate exam. Would you say you were satisfied?
Gloria: I hope you weren’t!

We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.

Cam

Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A ,not with my parents. Plus also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.

Haley

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

Is this what you’re gonna do with your life? Sleep late and take a selfie?

Claire [Haley]

Wow so intense. I had no idea the kind of pressure you were under. Hunnie, I was just you for two hours, I could barely hold it together. I don’t know how you don’t have a meltdown everyday.

Claire

Jay: Hi hunnie.
Gloria: I got in trouble.
Jay: Whatever she did, add it to my tab.

It’s all gravy, when you’re in the A.V.

Phil

Haley: You’re super green!
Mitchell: I know! I’m recycling a dollhouse, I recycled a child.

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