Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Back in Vietnam I had Hepatitis, still managed to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 300 soldiers. I think I can handle sauce.

Jay

This hair at a pool party? One dunk and it goes off like an airbag.

Manny

Cam: Hey we got a package from my dad!
Mitchell: No air holes in the box, that's a good sign.
Cam: Lily loved having that chicken.
Mitchell: One more time than she realized.

Just a warning, I haven't shampooed professionally since college and that was only part-time to pay for my cheer gear.

Phil

Mitchell: You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette.
Claire: Maybe this time you won't tell on me.

Wait they're allowed up there? They're wearing dungarees!

Jay

Nice robe, like Hef back in the day. I'm gonna cut to the chase. I like your lifestyle, I want a taste of it.

Jay [to Langham]

Cam: You wanna tell me how you accidentally gave someone your key?
Mitchell: You wanna tell me why you spent all day sipping tequila out of some guy's navel?
Cam: You saw that?
Mitchell: I guessed!

Vegas you have a gambling problem and her name is Claire.

Claire

Whoa that warmer drawer really works. It's like my mom's hugging my feet again.

Phil

We will be maintaining our dignity in the spa, thank you.

Mitchell

Oh my gosh, an actual gay agenda.

Cam
Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 1290 in total