Phil: I'm like Shirley Temple and that black guy in that movie.
Plumber: Bill Bojangles Robinson.
Phil: Bill Bojangles Robinson, I said it first!

You're never alone when you have books.

Alex

Claire: You're grounded for four weeks!
Haley: Why don't you just double it and make it 10?
Alex: Do you not see how much you need to study?!?

It was the nineties, we'd just lost Princess Di. I was at sea.

Cam [on dating Pepper]

For fifteen years I have killed myself setting a community standard with my fanciful theme brunches, mounted at considerable personal expense.

Pepper

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell

If we're found dressed like this, it won't look good for the gays.

Mitchell

He's managed to make a gay couple hate brunch.

Mitchell

Some things you can't forget you've heard. Do you know what menstruation is? I do!

Manny

You're playing fast and loose with my soul.

Manny

It was only four hours. I tipped over a paint can, and threw up a little. I think 'thanks' just about covers it.

Phil

This guy's been working like an imbecile all day for you.

Gloria [on Phil]

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley