No problem. Do you want to look in another neighborhood or stay right here in HELL!

Phil

She doesn't sound like that.

Jay

Honey, you can't get Pepper pregnant and trap him in a house.

Claire

I'm not putting her down, you goblin. She needs the surgery.

Jay

Dad, are you still looking for a place to leave that butt? It's so gross.

Claire

Maybe we should kiss?

Phil

You know what? I have to take this. Luke, Haley, talk a little bit about how you still live at home with your parents.

Cam

Yeah, I teach a real estate at five. I have to show up early to limber up.

Phil

Oh, I so want it to be on purpose. It's lonely out here on Crazy Island.

Claire

We are allowed to look at other men without feeling guilty about it.

Mitch

Ya' know, my parent's never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.

Cam

Is that the way she treats all head injuries? Cause I've got a theory.

Claire

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.