What the hell?! I'll clean my room. I promise!


You realize she's not that big, right? It's mostly just hair.


Mitch: Who are these men?
Cam: What are these things I don't do?

The waiter! I knew he was flirting with you!


Ok, what kind of freak show goes on when I'm not around?


I love things that don't make sense. That's my gig.

Professor Arvin

Drive til you hear a party.


You're a bad valentine!


The molten chocolate cake looks slutty and delicious. Would it kill you to say that about me?


All's I know is that you're being a real Capricorn right now. The sun revolves around the Earth and not you.


Jay: If I didn't say it, it's a big deal, you going here.
Manny: If I didn't say it, I couldn't have done it without you.

Mitchell: What're you doing?
Pam: I'm making one of your fruit smoothies.
Mitchell: Uh Pam...
Pam: Fine, I'm making one of your homosexual smoothies.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.