No problem. Do you want to look in another neighborhood or stay right here in HELL!

Phil

She doesn't sound like that.

Jay

Honey, you can't get Pepper pregnant and trap him in a house.

Claire

I'm not putting her down, you goblin. She needs the surgery.

Jay

Dad, are you still looking for a place to leave that butt? It's so gross.

Claire

Maybe we should kiss?

Phil

You know what? I have to take this. Luke, Haley, talk a little bit about how you still live at home with your parents.

Cam

Yeah, I teach a real estate at five. I have to show up early to limber up.

Phil

Oh, I so want it to be on purpose. It's lonely out here on Crazy Island.

Claire

We are allowed to look at other men without feeling guilty about it.

Mitch

Ya' know, my parent's never talked to me about anything sexual. They just sent me to the stables when the horses were breeding and wow did that create some unreasonable expectations.

Cam

Is that the way she treats all head injuries? Cause I've got a theory.

Claire

Modern Family Quotes

But I'm nice and I put on the sugar jacket!

Gloria

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me