Lucifer: Tell me, Tiffany, what is it you desire.
Tiffany: To punch every millennial in the face.
Lucifer: Really? I mean, I don't disagree, but still.

Cain: Your research is watching The DaVinci Code?
Lucifer: And the sequels!

Ah, the diamond industry. Surely the greatest joke someone other than me played on the world. Thousands of dollars for lumps of old coal.

Amenadiel: Yeah, I gave you the mark. But I was only the messenger, Pierce, I have no idea how to remove it.
Cain: You know, I believe you.

Amenadiel: Accept the punishment that you deserve!!
Cain: You know nothing about what I deserve!
Amenadiel: I know my father is punishing you because you killed your own brother.
Cain: Notice anyone else in here who plotted to kill his own brother?

Chloe: If you were her, where would you guys go?
Lucifer: Ooh, ahhh, strip club.
Dan: Comic-con.
Lucifer: Aah!
Dan: Forensics convention.
Lucifer: Strip club!
Dan: Dude, you already said that. Why would Ella take her brother to the strip club?
Lucifer: For the free buffet.

Amenadiel: No, that was different!
Cain: It was only different because you failed.
Amenadiel: We are nothing alike.
Cain: You're right. At least I had the balls to do it myself. You're worse. And if this is the punishment I get for my crimes, what do you deserve? There it is, that look on your face. That's what I wanted. That feels good.

Yeah, huge relief. You're brother's not dead, but he might be the killer.


Pierce: Did your partner just admit to snorting the evidence?
Lucifer: The only thing I admit to being incredibly focused on this case.

I mean, you don't want inferior extasy out there ruining orgies and dub step parties, now do you? Uht! Rhetorical.

Trust me, Detective. No one is a worse neighbor than the devil.

What do you expect from someone clueless enough to put a whole body into a woodchipper? Saw before you mulch! Everyone knows that!


Lucifer Quotes

I'm like walking heroin...very habit forming. It never ends well.


I thought you were different, but I was wrong. You're just like all the others.