Last Man Standing
Thursdays 8:00 PM on FOXLast Man Standing Quotes
Ryan: I am sorry Kris, but you didn't tell me he was the coolest dog in the world.
Boyd: Please mom? When you point your finger at him and say bang, he rolls over.
Kristin: Ok, but you have to do all of the work.
Ryan: I will!
Boyd: Thank you. Thank you. I am going to call Jeff.
Ryan: I think I messed up the whole united front thing.
Kristin: Yeah, a little bit.
Ryan: But he falls over when you say bang.
Kristin: I know, that is what got me too.
Chuck: Where's Fred?
Kyle: He is on vacation.
Joe: Just tell him we stopped by, or don't. Never mind.
Kyle: Well wait, is there a problem? Because if there is, I am supposed to help solve it.
Chuck: Well, we would like to file a complaint against someone.
Kyle: Oh, that is too bad. Give me a second. We have a form for that. Who are we filing the complaint against?
Joe & Chuck: Mike Baxter!
Kyle: Where's Fred?
You know what, forget the binder. I want you all to look at each other and think about the mean and dismissive words you've used at this meeting. Like bastard and bonehead, that is not how coworkers talk to each other. It is definitely not how friends should. At Outdoor Man, we are not just coworkers. We're not just friends. We're family. It is time you guys started acting like one.
- Kyle
Kyle: So, this was a setup?
Mike: It wasn't a setup. It was more of a test.
Kyle: If this was a test, did I pass?
Mike: Well, how do you think you did?
Kyle: I don't mean to boast, but I think I got a solid C.
Ed: I think I will give you an A+.
Mike: I am a little tougher than Ed, but I will give you an A+ too. Listen, you know how people should be treated. That gooey dare I say, liberal heart of yours, is why I put you in HR. It is where you belong.
Kyle: Thank you!
Kristin: Chuck and I are going to shoot a new promo for the Grill's new website.
Ed: That sounds like a terrific idea but make sure it is classy. Nothing says classy like a spokesperson in a tuxedo. I have four. Four wives, four tuxedos. For this one, I would use the Marianne.
Chuck: Are you sure Ed? Acting is harder than it looks.
Ed: Trust me I am a natural. I know all the tricks. As much as I love the camera, it loves me more.
Kristin: Thank you, Ed. It is going to be great.
Chuck: I will round up the in-house production guys. Kristin, you write up the copy. Ed, take Marianne to the cleaners.
Ed. With pleasure, her lawyer did the same to me in 86'.
Mandy: The moment I stood up from that table I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
Vanessa: What are you talking about?
Mandy: I am going to become a real estate agent?
Vanessa: What about fashion?
Mandy to Mike: It is what you said yesterday dad. When God closes a door, he builds a window. Fashion is the door; real estate is the window.
Vanessa to Mike: You and your home improvement.
Mike: I am looking at the stuff you did as a kid, this is early stuff you did. Honey this is really amazing. Your work is spectacular.
Mandy: You really think it is good?
Mike: I think it is great. But it doesn't matter what I think, or Modern anybody thinks. The only person that has to think it is great is sitting in your chair right now.
Mandy: I just don't know if I can take it anymore. This isn't my first rejection dad. I am sick of hearing them say no.
Mike: Then you can pack all this stuff up. And that is ok, that is ok. But then you will never experience what is like when they go yes, yes!
Mandy: Just tell me the truth. Does life get any easier?
Mike: No! But the good news is that it goes by real quick.
Vanesa: It is better she talks to you. You're someone who made their dreams come true.
Mike: Let's not get into this again.
Vanessa: You think that is an insult? Well, I have a couple more. You're handsome, and you're good in the sack.
Mike: Oh really! Well how about this, you're intelligent, and you have a nice rack. Now you go!
Vanesa: But seriously. Outdoor Man was your dream, and you made it come true. That is pretty impressive.
Mike: More specifically, Outdoor Man was a goal of mine., this is my dream. You, the kids, us and I didn't make this dream happen, we made this happen.
Vanessa: Just when I think I can't love you any more than I do, it happens.
Mike: Well that is because you understand I am intelligent and good in the sack.
Bonnie: I never know what to say to you. Whatever I say is not interesting enough or smart enough.
Vanessa: Well that is just stupid. Bad, bad choice of words.
Bonnie: And you're always taking these little shots. You know putting me down.
Vanessa: Mom I don't that to be superior to you. I do that to hurt you. Oh geez. I am just not great with the talking today.
Ed: When you said Bonnie thinks we are in a relationship, I thought maybe it was time I just step back a little bit.
Vanessa: And why is that?
Mike: Can you guys take this someplace else? I don't want to get involved in it.
Ed to Vanessa: Well actually, you see she is too much like you.
Mike: Ok, now I am involved. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Ed: She is not the kind of woman you can have fun with.
Mike and Vanessa in unison: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Ed to Vanessa: Bonnie like you is a woman of substance. The kind of women I date are not as deep.
Vanessa: You mean younger?
Ed: Exactly!
Boyd: I'm stupid.
Kyle: Don't say that. Math was hard for me too, and nobody thinks that I am stupid.
Boyd: I try, but I just can't do it.
Kyle: You're a Baxter. You can do anything, even Vin Diesel impressions!
Mandy: Maybe we can help you.
Boyd: How am I supposed to remember tangent equals opposite over adjacent?
Kyle: What I used to do was come up with fun ways to remember things. So, if tangent equals opposite over adjacent, then T equals O over A, so TOA. Just remember tickle ostriches always.
Mandy: This is known as a moronic device.
Vanessa: Wait! Where do you think you're going?
Mike: I go to work, make money, you buy flowers.
Vanessa: No, no wait! You can't leave my mother is going to be here any second.
Mike: Why didn't you say so? I will get my announcement trumpet and blow it right here in the foyer.
Vanessa: I need you to be my buffer. You know how my mother is.
Mike: I know you want me to say something bad about your mom. But honey, I literally like six people in the world and your mom is one of them.
