Mac: Well, maybe it boils down to this smart guy: computers are for losers.
Dennis: You're drinking a beer at eight o'clock in the morning!
Mac: Whatever dude. Irrelevant.

Charlie: Did you send him a friend request?
Frank: I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face!

Frank: How could you do that?
Barbara: I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted? (looks at Dennis and Dee) Children would you like to have been aborted?

Mac: Then we promise that we will come back with our butts filled.
Charlie: So filled! So filled for you!

Frank: Barbara. Your turkey neck is looking exceptionally attractive this evening.
Barbara: You have turned into a retarded person

Mac: Do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
Charlie: Dude, I don't want to shove anything in my ass!
Mac: All right! This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are, and not have to shove anything up our asses!

Mac: Oh, man, New Orleans really had their s**t figured out!
Dennis: Oh, they totally had their s**t figured out! Except for the levees.
Mac: Right, yeah, except for the levees.

This music sounds like whales raping each other.

Mac

Dee: Where is your breath?
Charlie: In my mouth?
Dee: No, no. It starts in your chest. You got to focus on your diaphragm.
Charlie: What the hell's a diaphragm?

You know what? Let me kick down a little thing to you that our founding fathers kicked down to me. It goes don't tread on me. And right now, you guy's are treading all over me!

Charlie

Dennis: Failure implies that she actually tried to be an actor.
Dee: Okay, I did try. It just didn't happen to work out.
Frank: It's not your fault, sweetie. You're just not pretty enough.
Dee: Oh, thank you. That's my dad, everybody.

Charlie: I am done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.
Dennis: Well, that's why we call it Charlie work.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2 Quotes

When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland, he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. Dennis Reynolds, baby rapist. Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.

Mac [voice-over to smear campaign video]

Charlie [in a wheelchair and army vet attire]: This costume, the chicks is gonna go crazy all over it.
Frank: Maybe you should let me do all the talking.
Charlie: No, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. So watch and learn.
Stripper: Awww, look at you sweetie, what happened?
Charlie: Viet-goddamn-nam, that's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!