Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX
Its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia

Dennis: I don't get it, Dee: There are tons of women in this city; where do they go?
Dee: They're at velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Dennis: Why?
Dee: Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley...might as well call it "Rape Bar."

Charlie: Look, the girl, she wears a Lance Armstrong bracelet, OK? So I tell you I have cancer, right? Then you're gonna tell her, she's going to feel sorry for me, we're going to start dating, and that's the way the lie works!
Dennis: That's a horrible thing to do!
Charlie: Well, I'm a bad guy then!
Dennis: You are a bad guy! You lied to us!
Charlie: All right look at this, sometimes you've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.
Dennis: You've got to crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
Charlie: Yeah, you gotta crack an egg.
Dennis: So you're throwing down life lessons now?
Charlie: I'm throwing down eggs!
Dennis: Class is in session, the teacher's teaching class now!
Charlie: I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!

Carmen, you got the most amazing body. Are you bulimic or what?

Mac

Mac: Is that a penis in your pants?
Carmen: Yeah.
Mac: You lied to me.
Carmen: No, I didn't. You lied to me. You don't workout? Please! I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped.
Mac: No, don't turn this around -- wait, really? You think so?

Dennis: We could get into a lot of trouble for this.
Dee: And we also have a social responsibility to keep teenagers from drinking.
Charlie: I guess.
Mac: Well, I don't know about that, though. Hold on, I mean, wait a second, hear me out, hear me out: it wasn't that long ago that we were in the same position as these youngsters, right? I mean, we'd get kicked out of some bar and what did we do, Den? We would get a bunch of forties from a homeless guy and we would go sit in some park.
Charlie: That is true.
Mac: That is absolutely true. And what would happen? We would almost get raped and/or murdered and/or stabbed by the crackheads in Fairmount Park.
Dee: Hello, Stephen.
Charlie: You want to know what else what would happen? We drove Nicky Potnick's car into a tree on Kelly Drive.
Dennis: With Sweet Dee in the back seat, puking all over the headrest because some guy talked to her that she liked, remember that? Every time some guy talks to you that you like, you get so nervous that you drink yourself into oblivion.
Dee: No, no, I had bad potato salad.
Mac: You abused alcohol, and that's OK, that's OK, but it's very dangerous, right? Right? Well, maybe we should look at this whole thing from a different angle. Maybe we have a social responsibility to provide a safe haven for these kids to be kids. You know, experiment!
Dee: No, I don't like where this is headed.

Trey is so cool, he's totally going to bang your sister.

Charlie

Dee: I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
Charlie: One day at a time.
Mac: One day at a time.
Dennis: One day at a time.

Dee: Mac, you are so pathetic.
Mac: Yes, and your eyebrows are drawn on.

Dee: I never statutory raped anyone before.
Trey: Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.
Dee: You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?
Trey: I was eight.
Dee: Right...Yeah...

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