Mac's Dad: Now everyone thinks I'm a rat. They're gonna kill me in here, because of you.
Mac: I'm sorry. I still love you.
Mac's Dad: I don't.

Mac: Tell us more!
Charlie's Mom: Then Luther went in Eduardo's butt for a while.
Mac: Tell us less, tell us less.
Charlie's Mom: Then they both completed on each other -- I was left out of the finale.

Charlie's Mom: I can't lie to my Charlie!
Charlie: Good! Tell me everything!
Charlie's Mom: Okay, they were both here. They were both inside me. Eduardo was in my mouth, and Luther was in my butt.

A man should be able to end his life if he wants -- we're American!

Dennis

Mac: Okay, daddy. I love you dad!
Charlie: Let it go. Let it go.

I've had a few surgical operations to enhance my natural beauty.

Maureen

Come on! You guys own a bar! You guys watch people slowly kill themselves everyday right?

Bill

Yeah, I botched it -- life.

Bill

Mac: You have a bad shoulder, and that's why you could never have a catch with me, right?
Mac's Dad: Riiiiiight.

Mac: Thanks for coming with me, man.
Charlie: Well, you're forcing me too, so, yeah.

I'm gonna save my dad's life!

Mac

What’s up bitches! I’m a man cheetah! Wanna do something with this?

Frank