It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Thursdays 10:00 PM on FX
Its always sunny in philadelphia

And then, best of all. Sir Isaac Newton gets born and blows everyone's nips off with his big brains. Of course he also thought he could turn metal into gold and he died eating mercury. Making him yet another stupid (*slaps 'bitch' sticker*) bitch!

Mac

I'm glad you brought up, Mr. Reynolds. Because science... is a liar sometimes. This... is Aristotle. Thought to be the smartest man on the planet. He believed the Earth was the center of the universe. And everybody believed him because he was so smart until another smartest guy came around. Galileo. And he disproved that theory... making Aristotle and everyone else on Earth look like... (*slaps a sticker that reads 'BITCH' on Aristotle's picture*) bitch.

Mac

No matter. I'm righteous. I'm not gonna stand here and present some egghead scientific argument based on fact. I'm just a regular dude. I like to drink beer. I love my family. Rock, flag, and eagle - right, Charlie?

Mac

Dee: Yeah, and Charlie, you find Mac's arguments to be fairly credible and convincing?
Charlie: I do. Yeah, he makes a lot of good points. He's a good judge and... he's an even better bailiff.

Charlie: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished collies. My client, Frank here, isn't really on trial today, ya know. Common sense is on trial. And while common sense would tell you that eating a bowl of cereal while operating a car it's reckless, it's moronic, one might even call it, 'donkey-brained'.
Dennis: Donkey-brained?
Charlie: It means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know what it means, guy.

Dee: Dennis, you don't want to go anywhere near a court. How many bench warrants for sexual misconduct do you have? Yeah, and Frank, how many unregistered guns do you have in your car right now?
Frank: A lot.

Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their dicks with this lobster.

He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges instead of retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. To a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jack-knife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that, I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on a trampoline that very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn't great.

Dennis

You remember that night at Dooley's pool party on that fine Summer eve? When I did that double jack-knife twist and blew everyone's tits off? You remember that? And then I went down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later that night?

Dennis

Mac: I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to me. For once in your life.
Dennis: Your hair is small.

Wait! There's more. There's an old short fat man here. He sat with his young sleeping partner. Bring them a glass of the house red from us.

Dennis

My eyes slant down. I don't have a good peripheral.

Mac
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 489 in total

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Mac: I browned out that evening.
Frank: Browned out? What's browned out?
Mac: It's when you drink so much that everything goes brown. It's not as sever as a black out because I remember bits and pieces. I call it browning out.

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac
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