[Barney and Ted at airport picking up girls]
Barney: Follow them, tickets on me.
Ted: No! Barney! Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator

Barney: Do you ever go behind the rope and touch it?
Dana: Only all the time.
Barney: Do you ever like, stick your head inside it?
Dana: Yeah.
Barney: Have you ever licked it?
Dana: Nope...I have never licked it.
Barney: I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell. If someone were to pull that off, I daresay it would be, what's the word? Legendary!

Ted: My friend does this thing where he goes to the airport and leaves fake luggage in order to meet women.
Airport Security Guard: No one is that lame.
Ted: He is. He is that lame. Barney, tell them you're that lame.
Barney: We are international businessmen

Barney: You're in a rut.
Ted: I'm not in a rut. I have a routine.
Barney: Ted, what is the first syllable in rut-tine?

Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the "pursuit of happiness," okay? Not for the "sit around and wait of happiness." Now if you want, we can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day or you can lick the Liberty Bell. You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it.
Taxi driver: That was beautiful, man

Ted: Why can't we go to McClaran's?
Barney: McClaran's is boring. Let's go to the strip clubs. We're gonna go out, we're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be legendary. phone five!
[Barney does a high five with his cellphone.]
Future Ted: I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
Barney: You didn't Phone-five, did you? I know when you don't phone five Ted! [while motioning with his hand] McClaran's is this much fun. But what I'm offering is the chance to have THIS much fun!
Ted: [also using his hands] See, you always say that, you always say it's gonna be THIS much fun, but it always ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good. It's safe.
Barney: This whole hand signal thing doesn't really work over the phone, does it?
Ted: No, it doesn't

Ted: Don't say legendary. You're too liberal with the word legendary.
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's going to be legendary! Snowsuit up

Robin: Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes.
Lily: Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything!

Future Ted: I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing but we got out, Dana let us in, and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell. And, you know what it tastes like?
[cut to MacLaren's]
Girl: What?
Ted: Freedom. No, actually, it tastes like pennies.
Girl: My God. Did you guys really do that?
Future Ted: We really did. And that was when I realized why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story

Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport you meant you were going to pick someone "up" at the airport?

Ted [to Barney]

Barney: Ted, get in the cab. Marshall, you too.
Marshall: Uh I wish I could but I think me and Lily...
Barney: I understand. [to Ted] Come on!
Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
Barney: Uhh, because he's getting laid.
Marshall: Consistently

Random Guy: So where are you from, heaven?
Robin: That's right, I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kinda like that pick-up line.
Lily: Hey-Oh!

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!


Carl: Compliments of that guy. [lifts drink towards Robin and Lily]
Lily: Really? Sweet.
Carl: Oh, for you, it's $6