This is not the time for jokes guys. Especially when this is the fattest I've ever been. How could you let me out of the house looking this fat?


C'mon guys, you always leave me hanging with the dirty sound effects.


Your first email address was

Penny [to Dave]

Fat Joey.

Brad [to Max]
  • Permalink: Fat Joey.
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It's like "Weekend at Bernie Mac's" back here.


Dave: I just blew a threesome.
Penny: Two V's and one D? Or two D's and one V?

The doctor said you're lucky you're still alive.


Alex: After I got mistaken for a whore, it made me realize something.
Max: That your grandmother was a whore?

Jane [about her Grandma]: JFK once called her a real Chicago slut.
Penny: Why are you always so proud of that.
Jane: It's Camelot, brew!

No no no no I don't do drills or shots, I can't do pain, ok? Give me the goof juice, just give me the goof juice and don't be bashful, put me under, put me all the way under. I won't get mad if I make in my pants. Seriously I won't sue if I poo.


Not everyone's as terrible as you Penny, with all due respect.


We get it, they're all 69 dollars.

Penny [to Max]

Happy Endings Season 2 Quotes

Dave: Whore's bath?
Penny: Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did.

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]