So Dave is really gonna fight the guy? Our Dave? The same Dave who wept during Jeremy Renner's Oscar speech?


I'm gonna take a nap, think about it, maybe buzz one out.


Um when was this photo taken and why are you making the Kobe Bryant intensity face?

Brad [to Jane]

Dave doesn't realize that by running his mouth, snitches get stitches.


Max, why are you dressed like Josh Brolin from "The Goonies?"


Yeah, that curse should be scared of us because we are a bunch of criminals and sex addicts with terrible judgement and we can ruin anything we put our minds to. And you know what? We're going to ruin that stupid curse.


Yes I went to her prom but only because I was writing a newspaper story for the Chicago Sun Times and my boss Gary Marshall was breathing down my neck!


Alright Jackie, let's just be honest, you're not my favorite, but tonight is not about us it's about my friend Penny's birthday. And I'm sorry that last year I called you an underage slut etc but if there's anyway that you could bring us some food that isn't laced with your bodily fluids it would really help us out of a jam.


Dude you gotta stop referring to yourself as a restaurant. Restaurants don't have windshield wipers.

Brad [to Dave]

He's talking about his Batman and Throbbin'.


If we didn't want to get caught, we'd have sex at home.


The curse of Max's lovehandles has struck again.


Happy Endings Season 2 Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."