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I'm Ellen. I feel like if I'm gonna be a lesbian I might as well go straight to the top!

Alex

Alex: This is gonna be so much. I'm gonna get a penis shaped cake and a penis pinata.
Penny: It's a baby shower, not a bachelorette party.
Alex: Right right, ok what kind of penis stuff should I get?

No I'm not pretending I'm pregnant anymore. This is not eighth grade gym class.

Jane

Daphne: Seeing Jane married and pregnant has made you regret turning down the world's greatest guy.
Alex: John Krasinsky?

It'll be like "Three's Company!" I'll be adorable Chrissie, Max can be hilarious and you can be Janet.

Alex [to Dave]

Penny: The only people who can get away with being mean are rockstars or brain surgeons or Mr. Phil.
Jane: I think you mean Dr. Phil.
Penny: C'mon it's a PHD. Everybody calm down.

Check it out, the trash can stove. Or as I call it, the "trove."

Max

Max: You should watch the gay history channel.
Dave: That's a real thing?
Derek: Yeah it's called Bravo.

Brad get me a new pair of pants, I look like a Turkish Whore master!

Jane

Look at all this hair, I look like Gene Wilder.

Brad

This is nothing new, Jane has always been the president of everything. Student body, national honor society, our immediate family.

Alex

My top half is at a museum fundraiser and my bottom half is selling veggie burritos in the parking lot outside a Widespread Panic concert!

Brad
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 148 in total

Happy Endings Season 2 Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."

Penny
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