Early on I realized that was turns you on the most is people agreeing with you. And you know I likes mah sex. Loves me some smush.


Hey forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called and said he remembers more stuff than you.

Jane [to Brad]

Winners win and losers lose and alcoholics they just booze. They win at drinking, that's their thing but our thing's just winning. We're Brad and Jane let's start the game. Sup suckas?


I know you didn't want me at your little couples game night, but what you didn't count on was the extent of my loneliness.


If we put a man on the moon, I'm pretty sure we could put a chicos in the clouds.


Dave: She has to read my energy in person. Don't you know how science works?
Alex: Hey hey, you know I don't.

This old priceless family heirloom that my hot fiancé's grandmother smuggled out of the old country. I mean I guess engagement ring is the acceptable nomenclature.


Oh no, do not lump me in with this bullcorn. Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doolas. I am on the fence about chupacabras, not saying they're real, not saying they're not. They're real.


My love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.

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