Early on I realized that was turns you on the most is people agreeing with you. And you know I likes mah sex. Loves me some smush.

Brad

Hey forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called and said he remembers more stuff than you.

Jane [to Brad]

Winners win and losers lose and alcoholics they just booze. They win at drinking, that's their thing but our thing's just winning. We're Brad and Jane let's start the game. Sup suckas?

Brad/Jane

I know you didn't want me at your little couples game night, but what you didn't count on was the extent of my loneliness.

Max

If we put a man on the moon, I'm pretty sure we could put a chicos in the clouds.

Alex

Dave: She has to read my energy in person. Don't you know how science works?
Alex: Hey hey, you know I don't.

This old priceless family heirloom that my hot fiancé's grandmother smuggled out of the old country. I mean I guess engagement ring is the acceptable nomenclature.

Penny

Oh no, do not lump me in with this bullcorn. Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doolas. I am on the fence about chupacabras, not saying they're real, not saying they're not. They're real.

Alex

My love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.

Brad

Dammit Chad, you got me in trouble again. That's my underwear monster, I believe you two have met.

Max

Hi. Could you bring me a dress that's a little more affordable like maybe one from last season or one that somebody died in.

Penny

I'm sorry I get racist when I joke and I get hungry when I'm racist.

Penny
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 330 in total

Happy Endings Quotes

Dave: Whore's bath?
Penny: Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did.

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]
×