Get paid to have sex and eat free food, Jane you beautiful broomstick I love it.


My baby could sell snow to an Eskimo. And by snow I mean cocaine. Eskimos traditionally don't have a lot of disposable income so it's a pretty impressive sales feat.


I'd storm out right now if my love for funeral food wasn't greater than my hatred for two selfish jerks.


When did we all turn against Mayer?


I plan on wining, dining and 79ing him. And yes if you're wondering that is 10 better!


What would Kerry Washington do in Scandal? Demand to see the President and then almost make out with him.


He said I broke the glass ceiling. That's right, I'll climb that corporate ladder in a skirt and I don't care who looks up it because I keep my yard tidy!


Wow, that's what 275 pounds of lonely looks like.


Max: It's a direct quote from my original screenplay "Heat 2: It's getting hot up in here."

I don't know why I'm surprised, I once saw you put sunscreen on a grape because you didn't want it to become a raisin.


Hey guys! You all remember my super racist parrot Tyler.


I took control of my destiny. I changed my birthday. I am Queens Boulevard.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 330 in total

Happy Endings Quotes

Dave: Whore's bath?
Penny: Ah yeah David, I did take a whore's bath okay? I had a one night stand and didn't have time to shower so did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and throw some water on my hush at Au Bon Pain? Yes I did.

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]