Get paid to have sex and eat free food, Jane you beautiful broomstick I love it.

Max

My baby could sell snow to an Eskimo. And by snow I mean cocaine. Eskimos traditionally don't have a lot of disposable income so it's a pretty impressive sales feat.

Brad

I'd storm out right now if my love for funeral food wasn't greater than my hatred for two selfish jerks.

Max

When did we all turn against Mayer?

Dave

I plan on wining, dining and 79ing him. And yes if you're wondering that is 10 better!

Max

What would Kerry Washington do in Scandal? Demand to see the President and then almost make out with him.

Penny

He said I broke the glass ceiling. That's right, I'll climb that corporate ladder in a skirt and I don't care who looks up it because I keep my yard tidy!

Penny

Wow, that's what 275 pounds of lonely looks like.

Dave

Max: It's a direct quote from my original screenplay "Heat 2: It's getting hot up in here."

I don't know why I'm surprised, I once saw you put sunscreen on a grape because you didn't want it to become a raisin.

Jane

Hey guys! You all remember my super racist parrot Tyler.

Alex

I took control of my destiny. I changed my birthday. I am Queens Boulevard.

Jane
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 330 in total

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."

Penny
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