Oh my God, I'm the Jackie Robinson of the Kerkovich family!

Brad

Penny: Hello Gay Sir.
Max: Hello Countess von Boobs.

My secret is so big that just the tip well be enough.

Penny

Lamenation Jane? Why don't you just cover it in glitter you cheap whore.

Jane

I didn't really date. I would call it a series of mind blowing sexual experiences with a lot of beautiful women.

Dave

So much blonde.

Penny

Strength, courage, composure, no carbs.

Jane

When you say it outloud like that it just really sinks in, like when I found out Gossip Girl was a guy.

Alex

Jane you're actin extra nuts, and I'm not talking about mistaking the teaspoon with tablespoon kinda nuts I'm talking about Mel Gibson downing a 5 hour energy and showing up at a Bar Mitzvah kinda nuts.

Max

Pearl Harbor cause we want this wedding to be da bomb! Like that Michael Bay movie Armageddon.

Alex

It's my fault, I know I'm sorry. It's just I got all paranoid that you guys would move on and start doing rich stuff and I'd never see you guys again because you'd be goin to Eyes Wide Shut parties or hunting people for sport with Tommy Hilfiger or whatever rich people supposedly do.

Max

You're right, the juice is worth the squeeze.

Dave

Happy Endings Quotes

Two things you should know about me Kent, I'm selfless and I have moves like Jagger, specifically the ones he allegedly used on David Bowie in the 70s.

Max

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]