Gossip Girl Season 1 Episode 9: "Blair Waldorf Must Pie!" Quotes
Jenny: Well, keep dreaming. Maybe one day she'll actually know your name.
Dan: Yeah, maybe. And then I'll have something to be thankful for.
Blair: Mom, he's living in Europe... with a man. You can't be all that surprised that he wants a divorce.
Eleanor: I know. But, I am surprised by how it makes me feel. He was my husband, after all. My Harold... for almost 20 years.
Dan: So, uh, dad. Not that I'm... not that I'm mad, exactly. But, not telling me about Serena's mom? Extremely uncool.
Rufus: I should have said something, I know. And I'm sorry.
Dan: Given the "ick" factor alone, I'd say that you pushed my progress back by, at least, several months.
Rufus: Oh, come on. You're a Humphrey Man. No daughter of Lily's could ever resist.
Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your stepdads.
Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena: That's just...
Dan, Jenny, Eric, and Serena: Gross!
Alison: I think we're splitting hairs here, Rufus. An emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one.
Lily: Oh, please. Nobody's buying that. Emotional affairs are necessary to keep a marriage alive.
Alison: And how many times have you been divorced?
Rufus: Alison, this is not about Lily. It's about you and me.
Alison: Exactly! And if we're going to have any chance, then she can't be here.
Rufus: So, you're not overreacting per se. You're just having a reaction that is so above and beyond what is appropriate.
Alison: I have been killing myself, trying to make up for what happened in Hudson.
Rufus: Which is not an overreaction, I might add.
Alison: And then I find out that the two of you are making out at a party.
Lily: Uh, it was hardly making out. And there's an explanation.
Dan: Clever. What was so bad about her? I mean, aside from the superior fluttering eyelids and punishing sarcasm.
Alison: Well, uh, she was your dad's first great love. And she liked to remind me every chance she got. Kinda hard to compete with that.
Dan: So you threatened Lily van der Woodsen with physical violence? Mom, you are a bad-ass.
Alison: Yeah, well, what can I say? I was younger, then...and wearing steeled toed boots.
Alison: A thing for blonds? You are you're father's son.
Dan: Not just any blond. Apparently, I like the ones who get drunk on Thanksgiving and almost die.
Alison: Well, you're dad liked them dangerous and troubled, too. So?
Dan: You were dangerous?
Alison: Who said I was talking about me?
Serena: No, my mom is sick because she doesn't want to be imposing.
Lily: You know what? I'm fine just curling up and reading a good book.
Eric: You're supposed to be with your family on Thanksgiving.
Dan: And Nicholas Sparks is hardly family. I'm not taking no for an answer. In fact, I'm not even asking. You're coming with us. I'm adult-napping you.
Lily: Fine, just, stop talking. And I'll get ready.
Dan: Make it snappy, I'm double parked. Thanks!
Lily: These smell great.
Eric: Yes, so we can starve in a fragrant hotel room.
Serena: We're not starving. Look, I got us into this mess and I'm gonna get us out of it.
Lily: Elaborate, Serena.
Serena: Thanksgiving at the Humphreys. Dan invited me and Eric's friends with his sister and his dad's really cool.
Eric: Awesome, I'm leaving the pumpkin.
Serena: What do you say, mom?
Serena: You couldn't make it past the salad, huh?
Dan: I opened the cranberries. My work is done. How's Blair's?
Serena: Uh, I wouldn't know. She gave me the boot.
Dan: What? She kicked you out of her house? What happened, now?
Serena: Uh, don't ask. But, the good news is my mom is going to slice us up a pumpkin. Oh, and there's a duck!