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Glee

Kurt: I wanted toned down.
Santana: This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

She's Jewish. But I think that helps with the whole Puerto Rican thing.

Beiste [on Rachel]

You look like a Real Housewife of Reno.

Puck

I haven't had a drink since we talked. Except beer. And I did some research. Napoleon? Turns out not just a dessert. He was a real dude.

Puck

You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long do you plan on playing the victim card?

Will

Kurt:I don't know what to say.
Brittany: That happens to me all the time. I just hope my mouth and dust comes out.

We're gonna call it Kurt Hummel's bulging pink fun sack.

Brittany

First, smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn't it?

Sue

I just ended our toilet paper shortage with this enormous check. Wipe away!

Figgins
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