Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 16: "There's the Rub" Quotes
Lorelai: Mom, you signed us up for a couple's massage.
Emily: So?
Lorelai: A couple's massage is for a couple not a couple of people.
Emily: It's more efficient this way. We'll both be finished at the same time.
Lorelai: Mom, do you know what most people who get these massages do about five minutes after it's over? They have sex, together, probably while wearing their robes.
Rory: I just wanted to thank you.
Luke: For what?
Rory: The care package. It was really sweet.
Luke: What care package?
Jess: Uh, Luke, they're hitting the water line again.
Luke: What? Tom, you are dead. You hear me? Dead! (Goes off)
Jess: Wanna pay?
Rory: Funny, I don't think Luke knew anything about the food last night.
Jess: That'll be $12.50.
Rory: Which means you lied about why you came over.
Jess: I'm out of quarters, I'll have to give you nickels.
Rory: You wanted to come over!
Jess: I gotta get back to work.
Rory: You're squirming. I've never seen you squirm. It's entertaining.
Jess: Yeah?
(Rory is trying to get Jess to leave)
Jess: Are you sure we couldn't sit down, have a little heart-to-heart? He'd tell me his issues, I'd tell him mine, we'd hug.
Rory: (opens door) Go.
Jess: (going outside) Okay, well give him my best...(sees Dean at bottom of steps) Actually, I think I might do that myself.
Rory: He just dropped by to give me some food.
Jess: From Luke's.
Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
Jess: Luke did.
Rory: Yeah, Luke did.
Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
Jess:(sees what Dean's holding) And what's that? Aw, a little ice cream package just big enough for two. How sweet. (Dean glowers at Jess) Oh, now you're doing that towering-over-me thing. Huh. You've really got that down. It helps that you're like twelve feet tall, but add that Frankenstein scowl it's just.
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Okay, I'm leaving. (starts to walk away, turns around and says to Dean) I really was just dropping off some food, so don't get all West Side Story on me, alright?
(Dean and Lorelai watching through the window of Luke's Diner to Rory and Jess who are flirting)
Dean: Rory wouldn't lie, right?
Lorelai: No. Rory wouldn't lie.
Emily: Why can't we have what you and Rory have?
Lorelai: Rory and I are different, Mom.
Emily: You're mother and daughter, we're mother and daughter, it shouldn't be that much different.
Lorelai: No, Mom, it is completely different.
Emily: How?
Lorelai: I grew up in a different environment.
Emily: An oppressive environment?
Lorelai: No, Mom, a different environment, and plus I was so young when I had Rory.
Emily: So just because I waited until I was grown and married to get pregnant, I can't have a relationship with my daughter?
Lorelai: No, it's just...Rory and I are best friends, Mom. We are best friends first, and mother and daughter second, and you and I are mother and daughter all the time.
Emily: I wasn't taught to be best friends with my daughter. I did what I thought was best for you. I did what I thought I needed to do to protect you.
Lorelai: I know.
Emily: (about Lorelai's shade of lipstick) That's a pretty color. What's it called?
Lorelai: "Vicious Trollop."
Emily: Now why do you say things like that? (Lorelai shows her the lipstick tube). Now why would you name a lipstick that?
Lorelai: Because "Dirty Whore" was taken.
Luke: (to Rory) Did you find a nail in your food? (to construction worker) Tom, you're dead!
Rory: There's nothing wrong with my food.
Luke: Sorry, Tom!
People just don't seem to realize that it takes years of practice to eat the way we do.
Lorelai
I'd better get going. I'm going to break out in rash any second.
Paris
Lorelai: Can we bribe you?
Waitress: No.
Lorelai: (pointing to Emily) Please? She's loaded!
(to Lorelai) You're muttering under your breath. Years of experience have taught me that when you do that, it's usually about me.
Emily
Emily: They have cucumber slices in the water.
Lorelai: Oh, wow. Now if they have ranch dressing in the soap dispensers, this place is great.
