Futurama Season 1 Quotes
Leela: Do you know how to play the fiddle?
Fry: No. Do you?
Leela: No, but I used to play the drums. They're sorta similar.
Robot Devil: We know all your sins, Bender! And for each one we've prepared an agonising and ironic punishment! (turns head) Gentlemen...
(A robot band plays up-tempo music.)
Bender: Ah, crap. Singing... Mind if I smoke?
Leela: (hanging on to Bender while flying out) Hurry, Bender!
Bender: I could, if you dropped that stupid gold violin!
Leela: Oh, sorry. (lets go of the gold fiddle and it lands on the Robot Devil)
Leela: What happens if we lose?
Robot Devil: You'll only win a smaller, silver fiddle. Also I guess I'll kill one of you, uh, him. (points to Fry)
Leela: We'll do it.
Leela: Alright, Beelzebot... What'll it take to get our friend back?
Robot Devil: Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing I can do. (pulls out a pen and sheet of paper) Now, if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver...
(Fry reaches out for the pen and Leela slaps it out of his hand.)
Leela: Wait. What fiddle contest?
Robot Devil: (sighs roughly) The Fairness In Hell Act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul... as well as a solid gold fiddle.
Fry: Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?
Robot Devil: Well, it's mostly for show.
Fry: Bender, are you alright?
Bender: No! Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.
Leela: (knocks on the restroom door) Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
Bender: No! Don't come in!
Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.Bender
Robot Hell Song:
Robot Devil: Cigars are evil,
You won't miss 'em,
We'll find ways to simulate that smell,
What a sorry fella,
Rolled up and smoked like a donnetela,
Here on Level One of Robot Hell.
Robot Devil: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating,
So is forging phoney IOU's,
Let's let Lady Luck decide,
What type of torture's justified,
I'm pit boss here on Level Two.
Robot Devil: Ooo, deep-fried robot!
Bender: Just tell me why...
Robot Devil: Check out this 55-page warrant.
Bender: There must be robots worse than I...
Robot Devil: We've checked it out; there really aren't.
Bender: Then please let me explain,
My crimes were merely boy-ish pranks...
Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns, and banks!
Bender: Ah, don't blame me;
Blame my upbringing!
Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing!
Robot Devil: Selling bootleg tapes is wrong,
Musicians need that income to survive.
Beastie Boys: Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise,
With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys!
That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on Level Five!
Fry: I don't feel well...
Leela: It's up to us to rescue him.
Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell...
Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin.
Fry: Maybe he's back at the motel...
Leela: Come on, Fry, don't be scared,
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,
So just sit back, enjoy the ride.
Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide!
Robot Devil: Fencing diamonds,
Publishing indecent magazines,
You'll pay for every crime,
Knee-deep in electric slime,
You'll suffer till the end of time,
Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme,
Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
Bender: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Leela: Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
Bender: I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
Fry: (chuckles) Good ol' Bender.
Bender: Um, I'm only hallucinating this, right?
(The Robot Devil cracks his whip; Bender yelps.)
Robot Devil: No, Bender! Robot Hell is quite real! Here's our brochure. (hands Bender a brochure entitled "Hell Is Other Robots")
Bender: But I don't belong here! I don't like things that are scary and painful!
Robot Devil: Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to Robot Hell... (evilly) for all eternity!
Bender: Aw, hell... I mean heck!
Robot Devil: It's alright, you can say that here.
Fry: Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual Robot Hell.
Leela: Who would've thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New Jersey!