Joey: I don't get you, Kate. First you hate me, then you sleep with me, then you want nothing to do with me, and now you want me again?
Kate: What, you've never dated an actress before?
Director: (Reading a review of the play) "Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. However Mr. Tribbiani was not the worst part of this production."
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe & Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I, ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's, it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did, ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Ross: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viciously screamed at total strangers! I think he's bad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, (Sarcastically) that's odd.
Ross (Rachel just introduced him to Tommy)) So uh, well, this, this is uh, this is awkward.
Ross Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross Oh! Well then this is awkward.
(To Tommy) Step away from the duck.Chandler
Chandler: (Entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theater?
Monica: Of course not.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
I've kept myself busy. (Monica and Rachel go in their rooms and walk right back out) I put your stuff in her room and her stuff in your room.Phoebe
Chandler: Now you stay out here and you think about what you did!
Ross: That's a duck.
Chandler: That's a bad duck!
Monica: (To Phoebe) Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Wait, clogs or claws?
Ross: (About Rachel's makeup) Okay, there you go.
Rachel: (Looks in the mirror) Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the transsexual from purchasing.
(To Chandler) You know, with that goatee, you kind of look like Satan.Joey