Joey: (After the critics trash Kate's performance) Drama critics are just people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate: Become a drama critic.
- Permalink: Drama critics are just people who couldn't make it as actors. Yo...
Ross: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viciously screamed at total strangers! I think he's bad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, (Sarcastically) that's odd.
- Permalink: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He vici...
Cailin: (About Pete and Monica) So. How'd you guys meet?
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for $20,000, and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
- Permalink: So. How'd you guys meet? Well ah, the short version is, I ah p...
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe & Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I, ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's, it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did, ah, you guys mean you plus one?
- Permalink: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who, who go...
Chandler: (Entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theater?
Monica: Of course not.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
- Permalink: Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theater? Of cours...
I've kept myself busy. (Monica and Rachel go in their rooms and walk right back out) I put your stuff in her room and her stuff in your room.Phoebe
- Permalink: I've kept myself busy. I put your stuff in her room and her stu...
Joey: So, so, what'd you think?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey: I, I wasn't in that.
Chandler: I know.
- Permalink: So, so, what'd you think? Almost as good as that play with the...
Director: (Reading a review of the play) "Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. However Mr. Tribbiani was not the worst part of this production."
- Permalink: Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. H...
Rachel: You can either go or help me.
Ross: Okay, I'll go.
Rachel: Okay, but before you go, can you help me?
- Permalink: You can either go or help me. Okay, I'll go. Okay, but befor...
(To Chandler) You know, with that goatee, you kind of look like Satan.Joey
- Permalink: You know, with that goatee, you kind of look like Satan.
(To Ross and Rachel) Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!Chandler
- Permalink: Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Monica: (To Phoebe) Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Wait, clogs or claws?
- Permalink: Does it involve clogs? Wait, clogs or claws? Clogs. No. ...
Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.
- Permalink: Okay, Joey, your bet. I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit i...
Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!
- Permalink: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they...