Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or... ha, ha! We could go over there and pee on them!
Ross: Monica is right, marriage is a very serious thing, you shouldn't just rush into it!
Rachel: Oh what do you know, you married a lesbian!
Rachel: What, Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Ya know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Ya know? Ya know, this kind of like, ya know, oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads?
Ross: (About his thing) The worst thing is he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler: Ya know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off.
(To Monica) This is Pete we're talking about, he's not like other people. On your first date, he took you to Rome! For most guys, that's like a second or third date kind of thing.Chandler
Joey: (After the critics trash Kate's performance) Drama critics are just people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate: Become a drama critic.
Ross: He screamed, he literally screamed at this couple.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he got up and just started to bang his hands together.
Director: (Reading a review of the play) "Joey Tribbiani gave an uneven performance as the lead, Victor. However Mr. Tribbiani was not the worst part of this production."
Ross (Rachel just introduced him to Tommy)) So uh, well, this, this is uh, this is awkward.
Ross Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross Oh! Well then this is awkward.
Ross: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viciously screamed at total strangers! I think he's bad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, (Sarcastically) that's odd.
Cailin: (About Pete and Monica) So. How'd you guys meet?
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for $20,000, and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
Joey: So, so, what'd you think?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey: I, I wasn't in that.
Chandler: I know.