Phoebe: There is no smoking in my grandmother's cab.
Chandler: In that case, I have to go to the bathroom.

You know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

Chandler

Phoebe: (About waxing) This happens to be a pain no man will ever experience.
Chandler: I don't think you can make that statement until you've been kicked in an area God only meant to be treated nicely.

Phoebe: (On the phone) Hi, it's Phoebe. Someone needs to take my 9:00, because it's like, 9:15, and I'm not there.

Phoebe: Ooh! We can eat the wax! It's organic!
Chandler: Oh boy, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: Well, not the used wax!
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?

Ross: I thought our relationship was dead!
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!

Ross: Gunther! Please tell me you didn't tell Rachel about me and the girl from the copy center.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?

Monica: You broke up?
Rachel: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Monica: Oh no! Rachel! You and Mark?
Rachel: No, no, no. It's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realized how much I love your stupid brother. And yeah, we got our problems, but I really wanna make it work.

Ross: I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in, her purse?

Phoebe: (About Ross and Rachel) They've been quiet for a long time.
Joey: Maybe she killed him.

Phoebe: (As Rachel hits Ross) Should we do something?
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.

Phoebe: Why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: There's banana on it.
Phoebe: Oh. I have the spirit of an old Indian woman living in mine.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Ross: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (Ross closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!
Rachel: Ross, stop that!
Ross: I'm sorry.
Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross: Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (Ross closes his eyes again) Oh yeah!
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It will never happen-- (Closes eyes again) Uh oh. Wait a minute! Wait, wait. Now there are a hundred of you, and I'm the king!