Damien: Wow you look stressed.
Jared: You don't. What's up?

No guitar. You're not a mariachi. It's weird to bring it on a date.

Jared

Damien: I've played by the rules my whole life and what has it gotten me?
Rachel: A six figure salary and a partnership at a major law firm.

Dude no, that's the salsa talking.

Peter

I literally killed my only chance at becoming a judge.

Damien

Jared: The one I like is when Infeld stole his prom date.
Damien: And I never saw it coming.

Denny, I hate to tell you this but someone just hit pause on your new life.

Jared

Jared: Any girlfriends in the picture?
Denny: We broke up. We met on line. She turned out to be a guy in Honduras.

Now you can challenge my parenting skills or you can finish the case you begged me for.

Rachel

We specialize in nightmares.

Jared

Cellmate: You ever buy meth from Ricky?
Damien: No, I prefer to cook my own. I'm kind of a health nut.

We choose to accept your mission.

Jared

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.

Franklin

"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.

Franklin