Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Stewie: That's the girl?
Chris: Yeah, isn't she special?
Stewie: That's the way the state of Rhode Island would put it. There's something up with her, isn't there?
Chris: Yeah, she has down syndrome.
Stewie: Okay, well there we go.
Chris: She's so sweet and doesn't she have the beautiful eyes?
Stewie: Well, the spacing seems a tad off, but individually they're not awful.

Hey, Chris, did you know your bacne spells Citibank in Braille?

Stewie

Adam West: Would you answer one question for me?
Psychic: Yes.
Adam West: Thank you so much.

Search Party Leader: We're still very optimistic we're going to find these kids and we just want to urge everyone not to give up hope.
Joe: Alright, everyone. We are officially looking for corpses. Repeat, this is now a recovery effort. We are officially looking for corpses so let's get back out there bring back those dead bodies.

Mort: What kind of birdhouse can you build with popsicles, roofies, and a rubber mallet?
Herbert: It's for a rare African bird called "none your business."

Did you also get caught trying to vote in Ohio?

Black Inmate [to Meg]

Hold on, Lois, this is some serious parenting, I'm gonna go put on my Cosby sweater.

Peter

Wow, Meg's one of those crazy chicks that hooks up with an even crazier guy... cuts to Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy.

Stewie

Brian: Having sex with Quagmire is inevitable, like a fat guy ordering dessert when everyone else wants to leave.
Waiter: Would anyone like dessert?
Man: I couldn't eat another thing.
Woman: I gotta get home for the sitter.
Fat Man: I'll have the souffle.
Waiter: That takes 45 minutes.
Fat Man: That's okay.

Brian: What the hell is all this?
Peter: Well I'm a bachelor so now I invited a bunch of people over and now I'm waiting for them to leave. That's what bachelors do.

Crocodile Dundee: That's not a knife, this is a knife.
Peter: This is also a knife.
Crocodile Dundee: Well then, I'll be on my way.
Peter: I want to see more of him and then suddenly none of him... forever.

Peter [on Family Feud answering something you'd like to receive as a gift]: Well my whole family agreed on money, so I'm going to go with the flute that Captain Picard played, first in his imagination and then in real life, in the episode "The Inner Light" from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 138 in total

Family Guy Season 8 Quotes

Yeah that's right. You buy your kid ridiculously homoerotic dolls and then ask what happened. Yep, your gay son is on you, buddy. Explain that one to your god.

Stewie

Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone!

Quagmire
x Close Ad