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Family-guy

You're always saying our show sucks. Let's see yours.

Charlie Sheen

Peter: So... question. How long has Stewie been unconcious?
Meg: Oh my god, Chris, he knows. Dad, I'm so sorry we should have told someone but we were too scared. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but Chris wouldn't let me.
Peter: Good Chris. I've taught you well. You have the right instincts. When you were babies, I used to knock you kids out every month or so. Some times by accident. Sometimes when the Patriots lost. You just gotta cover it up and everything works it self out. Meg, this is a list of hats. I need these by 4 o'clock.

TV Exec #1: Did everyone else feel it?
TV Exec #2: I felt it.
TV Exec #3: I felt it too.
TV Exec #4: I felt whatever the most senior executive in this room felt.

Chris: Anything I could do to make your life easier.
Lois: Well you could always grab the vacuum and clean the living room floor.
Chris: Sure, I'll take care of that. Are you running off to your job?

Brian, your script... it was enchanting. This brian griffin? I've never met this Brian Griffin. I would have told you last night, but I was 100% sure you ripped it off. After spending the last 18 hours on the Internet and in libraries trying to find traces of it somewhere, I couldn't find a thing.

Lois

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws. I call it Big Jaws.

Peter

Angela: I have nothing to live for.
Peter: Sure you do. Someday a white man's gonna to be elected President again.

Hi Angela. I'm Peter's friend, Glen Quagmire. Thanks for having me in your home and I would have had sex with you but Peter neglected to tell me you were a dumpster fire. Some friend, huh?

Quagmire

I don't want to have to take off my clothes because I'm self-conscious about my Congressman Barney Frank body.

Peter

I really hope there's a hungry horse back there.

Peter

Every Friday night, I'm a clearance-sale area rug.

Mayor West

Peter: Richard. Hey Richard. Can I get your uatograph?
Richard Dreyfus: Fine. You have a pen and paper?
Peter: What do I look like a Staples? I don't carry that stuff around.
Richard Dreyfus: Look I'm sorry I can't help you.
Peter: What you're too big and famous to go to the corner drug store and pick up a pen and paper and possibly some other groceries I need and come back and sign several things for me? You're a jerk.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 138 in total

Family Guy Season 8 Quotes

Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone!

Quagmire

Carnie: Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.
Peter: What a ripoff, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style

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