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Anna: I'm really sorry about your Dad's parrot.
Chris: Oh, that's okay. He'll get over it pretty quickly, and then move on to another wacky thing.
(heard in the background)
Peter: Lois, who's pipe organ is this?
- Permalink: I'm really sorry about your Dad's parrot. Oh, that's okay. He'...
Peter: Give it to me straight Doctor Jewish; Is he gonna live?
Dr. Jewish: Mister Griffin, I'm afraid that your Parrot is dead.
Peter: Noooo! Did he at least die with dignity?
Dr. Jewish: Well, he convulsed a lot and fell off the operating table. Then he flopped around a little on the floor, then a passing nurse accidentally stepped on him and kicked him into a puddle of urine, which must have frightened him because his bowels released all over himself. I tried to pick him up, but then, I got angry because some of it got on my thumb. So I threw him against the wall, and that's where he died.
Peter: That's the way I wanna go.
- Permalink: Give it to me straight Doctor Jewish; Is he gonna live? Mister...
Chris: So, uh, how do you like working at the vet?
Anna: Oh, it is so rewarding. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved working with animals.
Chris: Did you ever make it with one of the dogs?
Chris: I mean, uh uh, did you enjoy your appetizer?
Anna: It hasn't come yet.
Chris: Oh, um... I mean, did you ever make it with one of the dogs? No! Stupid! (hits himself)
Anna: Chris, just relax.
Chris: Um, okay. You know Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and now all I wanna do is show you my inner most self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or that you'll see my scrotum, and see that it has a seam on it, and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, cause that's what I think happened.
- Permalink: So, uh, how do you like working at the vet? Oh, it is so rewar...
Meg: I wanna be a veterinarian when I grow up!
Peter: Meg, we've been over this. You're going to gain 150lbs., and write Ugly Betty fan-fiction.
Meg: But Daaaaaaaad!
Peter: Meg, that's final.
- Permalink: I wanna be a veterinarian when I grow up! Meg, we've been over...
Chris: Hey fellas. Um, I have a question. I went on a date with this girl that I really like, and if you don't mind, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions about the birds and the bees?
Peter: Ahhh, my boy wants to know about sex.
Quagmire: Came to the right place.
Joe: Chris, what you always want to remember is that sex is perfectly natural.
Chris: Well uh, sorry Mr. Swanson. Um, I wasn't really talking to you.
Joe: Chris, I know a lot about sex.
Chris: Yeah, and I'm sure you have fond memories, but I was kinda hoping to get some advice from someone who isn't broken from the waist down.
Joe: I'm a father!
Chris: You're a two-wheeled monster!
- Permalink: Hey fellas. Um, I have a question. I went on a date with this gi...
Joe: (about Peter's parrot) Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your shoulder.
Peter: A pirate? Oh cool!
Cleveland: You should get a pirate name.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12.
(everyone stares at him)
Quagmire: I mean you should get an eye patch.
Joe: Eye patch would be cool.
- Permalink: Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your s...
Lois: Peter, did you tell Chris to act like a jerk to this girl?
Peter: Um, define "Chris".
- Permalink: Peter, did you tell Chris to act like a jerk to this girl? Um,...
Lois: Chris, honey, what's wrong?
Chris: Anna took a dump on me.
Chris: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Lois: Oh, she dumped you. That's what you meant to say.
Chris: What's the difference?
Lois: Well, what you said first was... well, I mean, when two grown-ups love each other very much, sometimes they show it by... never mind.
- Permalink: Chris, honey, what's wrong? Anna took a dump on me. What?! ...
Anna: My name's Anna.
Chris: Um, I'm Chris. Sometimes, I have to poop for a long time. Now it's your turn to say something.
Anna: (laughs) You're funny!
- Permalink: My name's Anna. Um, I'm Chris. Sometimes, I have to poop for a...
Lois: I don't know, Brian. Raising a child is a very rewarding experience.
Peter: You know what else is rewarding, Lois? Shutting your Vag.
- Permalink: I don't know, Brian. Raising a child is a very rewarding experie...
Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lot of feces in here.</i> Chris
- Permalink: Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lo...
Stewie: Say Brian, now that I think about it, how can you possibly have a thirteen year old son, when you yourself are only seven?
Brian: Well, those are dog years.
Stewie: That doesn't make any sense.
Brian: You know what Stewie, If you don't like it, go on the internet and complain.
- Permalink: Say Brian, now that I think about it, how can you possibly have ...