Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes

Season 4 Episode 30: "Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure"

Brian: (in heaven) Look at me, hanging out with Ernest Hemmingway, Vincent Van Gogh and Kurt Cobain. But it does seem like we all ended up here earlier then we should have.
Hemmingway: Well, I finally collapsed under the weight of my own genius, and shot myself.
Van Gogh: I couldn't reconcile my passion with the way people around me were living, so I shot myself.
Cobain: I couldn't stand the idea of my music becoming some bland corporate tool, so I shot myself.
Brian: Yeah, I... got into the garbage and ate some chocolate.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(as Stewie writes "douchebag" on Brian's grave)Stu: That's not really appropriate, Stewie.
Stewie: Of course it is, I loathe that know-it-all flea-bitten mutt!
Stu: No, it's just that the meaning of that word has changed ever since President Douchebag
 • Rating: Unrated

Stu: (after sex) So...do I...do I give you money or something?
Fran: Yeah, I'm gonna go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stu: I'm sorry. That's never happened before.
Fran: What? The eight seconds of sex, or the forty minutes of crying afterwards?
 • Rating: Unrated

Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 29: "Bango Was His Name Oh"

Quagmire: Hey Brian, what do you think of my sign?
Brian: "Quagmire's Cross Country Tour." Uh, isn't there an "O" in country?
Quagmire: Nope.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Sweet, Quagmire! You got a winnebago!
Quagmire: You mean a "Wanna-bang-o"!
Lois: (Sarcastically) Oh, how clever.
 • Rating: 1.5 / 5.0

Lois: Chris, I'm gonna teach you to be an affable, desirable young man, who doesn't smell like the inside of a wool hat.
Chris: Why you gotta break balls?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Harrington: Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab, Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Wilford Brimley: Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?
 • Rating: 4.2 / 5.0

Stewie: Ok, now if I get a fax, can I stay online and still receive the fax without a dedicated line?
Foreign employee: Yeah you can put a piece of paper in here, and make like a phone call, and your friend will get another piece of paper with the same picture.
Stewie: Can I possibly speak to someone who didn't come to this country on a floating door?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 28: "Stewie B. Goode"

Stewie: Hell? Well that's a little much. Sure I've devoted my life to killing my mother, but who hasn't? You know for hell, this isn't really that bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: (on TV) You know what really grinds my gears? People in the 19th Century. Why don't they get with the freakin' program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse.
(the boss then hands Peter a note)
Peter: Well, it appears I've been fired. Well, as long as I'm no longer working here, let me tell you something: You know what really grinds my gears? You, America! F**k you! Diane?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: You know, that really grinds my gears. Where in the bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbor's living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player? Well, I don't know where it says it because the Bible was way too long to read!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (on TV) You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Eh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits jumping around there on stage, half naked with your little outfits. You know? You're up there jumpin' around and I'm just sittin' here with my beer. So, you know, what am I supposed to do? What do you--what do you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're tryin' to--why you're leapin' around there throwin' those things all up in--um, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! Well, I'll tell you what you want...you want nothin'! You want nothin'! All right, because we all that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone. And to titilate us with any thoughts otherwise is-is-is-is just bogus.
Lois: Oh, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.
Meg: Ok...mom, thanks for that. Um, see you later. (Leaves)
Chris: Go on...
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: So, is it just pool water that turns you into a snivelling girl, or all water?
Stewie: Mom! Brian just asked me if it's just pool water that turns me into a sniveling girl, or all water!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 4 Episode 27: "Untitled Griffin Family History"

Brian: Peter, what is that?
Peter: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie The Butterfly Effect. I thought, wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Moses Griffin: Here we are, the Red Sea. Now all we gotta do is swim across.
Jew 1: I didn't bring my trunks.
Jew 2: I don't wanna step on a shell.
Jew 3: I can't get water in my ears.
Jew 4: I ate 20 minutes ago.
Jew 5: You know, what they flush in Cairo ends up right here.
Moses Griffin: [Sighs] All right, I see what I can do. [Parts the Sea]
Jew 6: "Oooh, I can part the Red Sea", you know he hasn't talked to his brother in three years.
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg: I HATE YOU ALL!
Stewie: Yeah, I hate you too, bitch. Oh no no, I'm just kidding, could you imagine?
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Nate Griffin: Hey Quagdingo, how was your date last night?
Quagdingo: Ah, it was awesome. You never feel as big as you do with a pygmy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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