Family Guy

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Season 2 Episode 21: "Fore, Father"

Meg: Mom, I can't clean, I've got stuff to do.
Lois: Meg, we all know you don't have stuff to do
 • Rating: Unrated

Doctor: Hum, 29 pounds, that's big for your age.
Stewie: Well forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials
 • Rating: Unrated

Caddy Manager: Hey, you that Griffin boy's father? Patty Tanager, the caddy manager. Yeah, it rhymes, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Cleveland: I can't believe how terrible the fishing was.
Peter: Yeah, all we caught was a tire, a boot, a tin can, and this book of clichés
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: Hey, Quagmire! You wanna come camping with us?
Quagmire: Sorry, boys. The only tent I'm gonna be pitchin' this weekend is... well, you can see where I'm goin' with this. Oh
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: I say, Rupert, this paste is delicious. It's almost worth the bowel obstruction!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 20: "Wasted Talent"

Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: It's like I died and went to heaven, but then it turned out it wasn't my time, and they sent me to a brewery
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids ... y'know, forget about you
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Lois, everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches, fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery
 • Rating: Unrated

Game Show Host: This one is for Peter Griffin and Tony Randall.
Game Show Announcer: The password is..."flaming."
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Actor.
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Tony?
Peter: You...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: It's true. The final scroll has been recovered. The lucky recipient has declined to be interviewed for safety reasons, but I'm sure you're all with me when I say, "Congratulations, you son of a bitch."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

The Don: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you...why should I kill this Count Chocula?
Cap'n Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies. My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth...with all respect
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Adam West: All right, listen to me you long-neck bastard. You give me the scroll, and I'll make you the head of sanitation services for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweetcake
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 19: "The Story on Page One"

Peter: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Peter: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
Brian: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: See, Meg, things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells
 • Rating: Unrated

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