Family Guy

Family Guy Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 7: "Brian: Portrait of a Dog"

Meg: Chris, you're hogging up all the fans.
Chris: Well, you're hogging up all the... ugly!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Things can never go back to the way they were! Not after the way I was treated! Not after the things I've seen!
Chris: What did you see? Was it breasts?
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Sometimes we all need a second chance. Sometimes we all need to forgive!
Chris: I stole ten dollars from Meg's room.
Meg: I stole ten dollars from mom's purse.
Lois: I've been making counterfeit ten dollar bills for years
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Ugh, it' so hot out there.
Griffins: How hot is it?
Meg: I don't know. Like around 98, 99.
Peter: I don't get it
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: All Brian's ever wanted is the same respect he gives us. Well, that and snausages. He's freakin' mental for those snausages!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: You, you seem to know all the players in this poorly acted farce. What do they call that one?
Chris: That's Meg dude. You know that.
Stewie: Meg! You vile, smelly girl. You're not to touch any of my things. Do you understand me? Dirty, dirty girl
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: I think I saw of her nipples.
Lois: Chris that's a terrible word. Nipple. I'll chalk that up to the heat mister
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: I say, am I to strut about all day like a beggar child in Calcutta? Fetch me something linen to throw on before I call child services.
Lois: Please don't threaten mommy. She's very hot
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex Trebek: For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
Peter Griffin: Diarrhea! What? Oh, oh, oh sorry, sorry. What is Diarrhea?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: You there, child woman. I'll give you a shiny new dime if you roll me into the nearest lake.
Meg: Let me see if I can find you a juice box 'kay.
Stewie: Yes, get the lead out pudgy
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 6: "The Son Also Draws"

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
Chris: You mean play the piano?
Peter: No no, she... yeah
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg: Nice going, Mom. I finally get my driver's licence, and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic!
Peter: Hey, don't talk to your mother like that! She is not an i-ron
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian [watching Happy Days]: You have anything lower on that remote than mute?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE2
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie. What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.
Stewie: Evidentally, madame, you and I differ greatly in our conception of beauty. Because what I just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!
Lois: Stewie, mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way. In fact sweetie, that's sort of how you were created.
Stewie: Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! How dare you fill my head with such loathesome propaganda! Get out you horrid woman! Get out!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 5: "A Hero Sits Next Door"

Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people. You're supposed to feel sorry for them
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: They might be very nice people.
Peter: Very nice people, yeah that's what they always say. Then you open up the septic tank and BAM, skeleton city
 • Rating: Unrated

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