Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy

Meg: Chris, you're hogging up all the fans.
Chris: Well, you're hogging up all the... ugly!

Brian: Things can never go back to the way they were! Not after the way I was treated! Not after the things I've seen!
Chris: What did you see? Was it breasts?

Peter: Sometimes we all need a second chance. Sometimes we all need to forgive!
Chris: I stole ten dollars from Meg's room.
Meg: I stole ten dollars from mom's purse.
Lois: I've been making counterfeit ten dollar bills for years

Meg: Ugh, it' so hot out there.
Griffins: How hot is it?
Meg: I don't know. Like around 98, 99.
Peter: I don't get it

All Brian's ever wanted is the same respect he gives us. Well, that and snausages. He's freakin' mental for those snausages!

Peter

Stewie: You, you seem to know all the players in this poorly acted farce. What do they call that one?
Chris: That's Meg dude. You know that.
Stewie: Meg! You vile, smelly girl. You're not to touch any of my things. Do you understand me? Dirty, dirty girl

Chris: I think I saw of her nipples.
Lois: Chris that's a terrible word. Nipple. I'll chalk that up to the heat mister

Stewie: I say, am I to strut about all day like a beggar child in Calcutta? Fetch me something linen to throw on before I call child services.
Lois: Please don't threaten mommy. She's very hot

Alex Trebek: For $800, this chemical dye is found in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
Peter Griffin: Diarrhea! What? Oh, oh, oh sorry, sorry. What is Diarrhea?

Stewie: You there, child woman. I'll give you a shiny new dime if you roll me into the nearest lake.
Meg: Let me see if I can find you a juice box 'kay.
Stewie: Yes, get the lead out pudgy

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios

Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
Chris: You mean play the piano?
Peter: No no, she... yeah

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 80 in total

Family Guy Season 1 Quotes

You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!

Stewie

How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

Peter
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