Cleveland: Peter, that's Bruno Mars.
Peter: Bruno Mars? Who's she?
Cleveland: She's a man. And he's not even black. He's a beautiful, mixed-up tomorrow person.

Stewie: You're really taking to this. I wish I would have brought you in on this earlier. Together we're going to make a fortune.
Brian: Hold on, Stewie. I'm not some run-of-the-mill Wall Street scumbag in it just for the profits. Every dollar I make, one goes to me and one goes to charity.
Stewie: I'm going to rent a Ferrari and cruise the pier. You want in?
Brian: Well, cancer's not going anywhere.

The stock market is a sucker's bet like chasing your tail.

Brian

Stewie, adults are allowed to say racist things because of traffic.

Brian

For instance, there are more single people over 50 than ever so I'm investing in handguns and black-out window shades. They don't want to be part of society, Brian. They've made that very clear.

Stewie

And I'm bisexual like all the members of the Coast Guard. Goodnight Coast Guard. I hope you enjoyed the episode.

Peter

Compared to him, we're about as useless as one of the those automated bathroom sinks.

Peter

Compared to the Navy the Coast Guard is totally unprofessional and incompetent.

Quagmire

You've never seen a homeless vet, and people are being really nice to me. They open doors for you.

Peter

Stewie: We made it just in time, and I was able to fool you because I am a master of disguise.
Brian: It seems like you're just good at dressing like a woman.

I hope no one from the train is on this boat. I'm wearing the same outfit.

Stewie

Stewie: So when do the strippers arrive?
Brian: 1952.

  • Permalink: 1952.
  • Added:

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

[disappointedly] You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes ya feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changin'. I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Peter