Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager?
Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Excellent and if I win?
Brian: I wasn't betting, why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: You're on!
Steve: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone
Lois: Peter, I was up all night waiting for you, where were you?
Peter: Where was I? Where were YOU?
Lois: Out drinking. But I got back at two
Cleveland: Look at all the damage!
Peter: Thank God the open air debris garden is still intact
Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep, the hurricane's gonna sneak up on me and give me a vasectomy
Chris
Nigel: Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard who's purchased your bar. A bit of an awkward moment, really.
Peter: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time during sex I called Lois "Frank". Your move, Sherlock
Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys! Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!
Cleveland: Quagmire. You forgot to say "oh".
Quagmire: You sure? I think I did... Well, just to be safe. Oh!
Peter [to Queen's Guard]: Hell, I thought you English guys never move.
Guard: No. That's just our women
Bartender: Evening, gents! How about a nice, warm lager?
Englishman: And help yourself to a packet of crisps.
Englishman Two: Or a ruddy nice plum pudding.
Peter: Holy crap, it's a gay bar!
You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her.... smoking!
Peter
Oh, yeah, yeah, that plane crash I told you about... it turned out to be gas
Peter
Cigarettes killed my father, and raped my mother
Congressman
