Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4: "Saving Private Brian" Quotes
Lois: (opens Chris's closet) What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this?
Peter: Yeah, it's all him or hers fault. Who does he or she think he or she is. Look, you can totally see his or her nipples. That's obscene maybe.
Lois: There's only one thing to do.
Peter: You're right, we've got to find this Marilyn Manson and I've gotta give that bastard or bitch a piece of my mind or penis.
- Permalink: What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this? ...
Sgt. Angryman: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud to call you soldiers. I'm sure you'll do your country proud tomorrow when you are all shipped off, to Iraq.
Stewie: Oh don't worry, I'm sure he means Fraggle-Iraq.
- Permalink: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud...
My God. You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I've ever seen, and I've seen The Bangles in concert.Sgt. Angryman
- Permalink: My God. You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I've ever seen, an...
(after killing the Vaudeville Guys) Okay, they're dead, alright? We're not going to be seeing them again.Stewie
- Permalink: Okay, they're dead, alright? We're not going to be seeing them a...
(Stewie walks into the recruiters office)
Recruiter: Peggy would you send in the next- oh, you're already here. Say, aren't you a little young to join the Army?
Stewie: No, I have that...um...Webster disease. Hey, is that the M9 double action pistol?
Recruiter: Sure is, standard issue in the Army.
Stewie: Where do I sign?
Recruiter: Right here. Did I mention there's a hundred dollar bonus if you sign up a buddy?
Stewie: Really? Well I think I have a surprise for somebody. (Stewie signs up Brian too)
- Permalink: Peggy would you send in the next- oh, you're already here. Say, ...
Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines, those are the men you wanna (Bleep).Lois
- Permalink: Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the A...
Stewie: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something through to the end?
Brian: Well I uh..
Stewie: NEVER, thats when! You need this Brian. You dropped out of college, you still haven't finished your novel, do you know what you lack? Discipline! You know where you'll get it? Right here in the Army!
- Permalink: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something th...
(to his therapist) Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna' punch her in the face, she's really annoying.Peter
- Permalink: Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna' punch her ...
(playing piano and singing) I am Peter Griffin, I like fancy food, I like reading comic books and dressing like a dude! (throws piano) Oh yeah! Rock 'n' roll!Peter
- Permalink: I am Peter Griffin, I like fancy food, I like reading comic book...
Chris: The army sounds awesome! And the recruiter said, with any luck, I could get the clap from a twelve year-old Chinese prostitute.
Peter: Oh, that's great! You'll be serving your country, just like American film legend, Mickey Rooney.
(scene switches to Mickey Rooney in a chair)
Mickey Rooney: Hi, I'm former biggest star in the world Mickey Rooney, and, as you may know, I am totally and completely insane! I like to yell at mice with my shirt off! (a shirtless Rooney kneels by a mouse) Aaah! Aaah! Sometimes, I like to steal other people's scabs! (Rooney steals a man's scab and runs off) Aaah! Aaah! How do I stay so crazy? (lifts up a jar of pills) Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills! Take one with breakfast, one with lunch, and before you know it, you'll be up on your roof, pooping in the chimney! (switches to Rooney sitting on a chimney, pants down) Hold out your stockings, kids!
- Permalink: The army sounds awesome! And the recruiter said, with any luck, ...