Eastbound & Down

Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound and down

I was your savior. I was your knight in shining armor. In each of you, were the chinks upon my armor. Each of you were the chinks. You all were the chinks! Remember me, my chinks...

Kenny Powers

You know, Stevie, when I first met you, I'll be honest with you, you were a little bitch.... But now I'm looking at you, and to me you seem like a dude who knows what's up. You don't take sh*t from anybody, you smoke weed on the reg. Quite frankly, you're somebody I'm proud to know. And you're somebody who deserves whole hell of alot more than just being an assistant.

Kenny Powers

So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That's what I'm gonna be doing every single night - dolla, dolla bills, y'all...

Kenny Powers

I mean, no offense, but you got a sh*tty job, you're not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. You have me on the other hand. I got the glory, I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, f*cking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg... Basically all the sh*t that most guys fantasize about.

Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers' days of burnin' ass are done. And that's not a homosexual reference.

Kenny Powers

I'm laying down my new audiobook. No writing, just spoken words - the old fashioned way.

Kenny Powers

I just want you to know that I've been thinking alot, about, you know, what happened at the cookout. It's just that we were there, and then we were touching each other, and I saw those t*ts and I started feeling your ass and I started breathing heavy and almost got a headache. Then my vision started to go all colorful. Then I just came in my pants. But I won't do that again.

Kenny Powers

From this moment forward Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. Normal. Not special. No hopes. No dreams. Pretending to be happy when he's really super sad. Just an average guy with exceptional hair. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Kenny Powers

Stupid cookout. As if their f*cking cookout is any sort of big thing. You should see my f*cking cookouts, man. When I was back in Seattle, I had the goddamn Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos coming to my sh*t. I'm talking 6 grills burning at all times. Tiki torches, 3 whole pigs, sh*tloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, f*cking Puerto Rican chicks showing their pussies and tits off everywhere. They were amazing.

Kenny Powers

I don't know what's going on, man. I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't even know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.

Kenny Powers

There's one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it's that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.

Kenny Powers

I am not trying to sound cocky or full of myself, but Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way he will always be great. Because that's just the way sh*t works sometimes.

Kenny Powers
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Eastbound & Down Season 1 Quotes

Interviewer: So Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?
Kenny: You mean Jew York? It's fucking great.

Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.

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