Scorpio: We got married at an all-night chapel.
Sammy: Wow. Blackout me is leaving sober me speechless.

Fallon: "The Anaconda Club?"
Sammy: Why does that sound familiar?
Kirby: It's a strip club.
Fallon: Oh, come on. I married a stripper?

Jeff Colby: Don't you ever run out of plans?
Alexis: No.

Kirby: No, no, um, it's actually pretty bad. At least Britney Spears knew who she was marrying in Vegas.
Fallon: Remind me not to invite you to my next bachelorette party.

Cristal: I think we should tell Fallon.
Adam: Yeah, have you met Fallon? In like three minutes she's going to have the CIA, IDF, several small armies swarming Moldavia, basically starting World War III.
Liam: She does tend to go big.

Adam: The UN advises all international rescue groups not to go to Moldavia. Private security won't even go there.
Cristal: So what makes you think you can do it?
Adam: Look, look, we're not going there to fight. We're simply going there to casually break in and...
Adam and Liam: unkidnap...
Adam: two innocent people.

Culhane: There's only one name that comes to mind when I think of revenge.
Fallon: Fallon? Awww. I'm flattered.

Culhane: Only you can completely humiliate yourself and still end up winning the night.
Fallon: Well, like any skill, it only gets stronger the more you practice.

That is the "Daddy did something very, very bad" gift.


That's the nice part about being married. You have a plus-one built right in.


Cristal: Maybe it's the Catholic in me, but how can one kiss make me feel so guilty?
Father Connell: Because we both know that it felt like more.

And next time I tell you you're being used, maybe you'll listen.


Dynasty Quotes

Like it or not, we live in an age of dynasties. Who else can you trust to run the family business?


Everyday, I take one mans dirt and turn it into diamonds. And digging up insider info is even easier when they assume I work for the airline, instead of owning the plane.