Mrs. McCluskey: I don't really need to go the hospital. I'm fine.
Blond Man: You've fractured a rib and you might have a concussion. You need looking after.
Mrs. McCluskey: Some of the stuff in my freezer might melt. How about I just run out and get some ice and then meet you at the hospital.
Blond Man: Ma'm, you can replace groceries.
Mrs. McCluskey: You don't understand, some of my groceries have sentimental value.
Blond Man: Sorry.
Mrs. McCluskey: Well, I don't need to ask your permission.
Blond Man: Ma'm, no!
Mrs. McCluskey: Get your hands of me, you pig ape!
Blond Man: Get the restraints
Mrs. McCluskey: I'm gonna sue your ass.
(The power and the lights go back on)
Mrs. McCluskey: Well, what are we waiting for? Get me to the hospital, I'm not a well woman.

Susan: Thanks a lot. Now Maggie thinks you're Charles Manson.
Mike: I don't care. I love you.
Susan: Don't say that.
Mike: It's true. I remember everything now. When I got run over I was on my way to propose to you.
Susan: I don't wanna talk about it.
Mike: I do. What would you have said?
Susan: You know what I would have said. It doesn't matter now.
Mike: The hell it doesn't Susan. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that when we kissed you felt nothing then I'll just go. But only if you can say that and really mean it. Can you?

Victor: Are you insane? We're in an elevator.
Gabrielle: Exactly! Going down...

Police Officer: Ma'am, are you Karen McCluskey?
Mrs. McCluskey: Little bastard gave me up, didn't he?

Russell catches Edie and Carlos in bed together.
Russell: Well, I see you can't close a sale without opening something else.
Edie: Oh, please, I heard about your open house on Holly Drive, they're still disinfecting the Jacuzzi.
Russell: Slut!
Edie: Bitch!

Susan: Look, Ian is going to come and invite you to dinner for Friday and you are not, I repeat, not going to accept.
Mike: Why is Ian inviting me to dinner?
Susan: He wants to thank you for saving us and he wants to show that he's not jealous of you. How's that for irony?
Mike: I didn't plan to kiss you but you didn't exacly resist.
Susan: I was in shock.
Mike: Why were you so upset when you mentioned Ian?
Susan: Because we just had a fight. About you.
Mike: Really? (smugly) Talk about me a lot?
Susan: Mike, I am marrying Ian. We have hired a caterer, we are going with the salmon so just back off.
(Mike sees Ian coming over to them)
Mike: Hey Ian.
Susan: Hi Ian. I just asked Mike, he can't make it.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sorry, I've got plans tonight.
Ian: Ah. But didn't we say Friday?
Mike: Friday? Oh, Friday I'm wide open.

(Gabrielle and Victor are stuck in an elevator, Gabrielle starting to undress Victor)
Victor: Come on, cut it out, the power could come on at any moment.
Gabrielle: I know, that's what makes it so exciting, the risk.
Victor: But I, I'm kinda running for mayor here, remember?
Gabrielle: It's an elevator, silly, it has an emergency stop button... I don't.

(Mike walks into Carlos' room, Edie is hiding next to the door)
Mike: (whispering) So uh... you got a girl in here?
Carlos: No, why?
Mike: Because when I came home, I thought I heard sex noises.
Carlos: (laughing) Nah, that was just me.

Mike: What, he didn't tell you how we played poker for you?
Susan: You bet me in a game of poker?
Ian: It's not--not how it sounds. I merely suggested that--that if I won the hand, then he--he would stop badgering you.
Susan: And if he won?
Ian: Well, I--I forget the exact terms, but the point is, he lost, as I knew he would. I never would have wagered you if I didn't have a very good hand.
Susan: Get out!
Ian: Susan, please.
Mike: You heard her.
Susan: That goes for you, too. I've had it with both of you. You're tugging at me like I'm some kind of wishbone.
Ian: You're just upset.
Susan: No, I am beyond upset. You two want a decision? Well, here's what I decide. There will be no kissing, and there will be no wedding, and there will be no damn cake!

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