Tom: So wait, we're not having sex?
Lynette: Hey, you banned me from your opening!

(on the phone with her secret admirer) That's very sweet of you but I am not the most beautiful woman in the world...Yes, I may be in the top 10.


Orson: She kissed me goodbye, what was I supposed to do slug her?
Bree: You went over there to read her the riot act, instead it looked like you were reading her a bedtime story.

Well I'm sorry I've never been good at getting people not to have sex!


Bree: Well, I'm sure that she must have lots of other houses to show you.
Edie: Nope, Alma took one look at the Applewhite house and "BAM" it was love at first sight.
Bree: What?
Alma: We're going to be neighbors!
Bree: No! (pause) I mean, I mean, no. Alma, you can't buy this house!
Alma: Why not?
Bree: Well, are you aware of its history? The previous owner was harboring a murderer.
Edie: It was her son. And say what you like, she was a great mom.
Bree: They had a dungeon in the basement! And people say they still hear groans coming from the house at night.
Edie: (quietly, to Bree's ear) There's going to be groans coming from your house if you don't zip it!

(to Tom) and tonight I'm gonna slap on some sex perfumes and you're gonna get naked and then we're gonna see who the man is.


Lynette: (Pinches her blouse after seeing Harry starring at her chest) Harry, Harry, what'd I say?
Harry: I know, I don't mean to be rude. It's just that my showgirl days were a while ago and I can't remember when I last laid eyes on a beautiful woman's (pause) bosom.
Lynette: Really? Well, what if I were to very briefly refresh your memory? (Firmly places waiver on table for him to sign.)
Cut to next scene where Lynette is buttoning her blouse.
Harry: Completely worth it! (Hands her signed waiver.)
Lynette: Glad you thought so.

(Julie and Austin are talking about having sex, Susan walks in and they stop)
Susan: Hi!
Austin: Hi.
(Awkward silence)
Susan: Bye!
Austin & Julie: (Smiling) Bye.

(About Julie and Austin) She loves him. And like it or not he loves her.
(Susan and Edie walk in on Austin and Danielle making out on Edie's couch.)

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